'Admitting you're depressed is a huge step'

Con Murphy is an enigmatic man. A real character, he has a turn of phrase that would make you laugh out loud and he talks with a sense of passion, whether he is speaking about his love of farming or his family, especially his granddaughters Anna and Aoife who he is “stone mad about”.

He is not the type of person you would think spent six months under the dark cloud of depression, not eating or drinking for a full fortnight. Yet, he is. And as he says himself, he is living proof that depression can hit anyone.

Irish Country Living first met Con when his family were shortlisted for the Farm Family of the Year competition. He was invited to present at our Women & Agriculture conference. Much to our surprise, Con seized the opportunity to tell the audience about his depression.

Much to Con’s surprise, his was one of the most powerful messages delivered. Six hundred and fifty ladies took to their feet to give a standing ovation to a man who talked about a subject that too many still consider a taboo.

Nearly a year later, Con has been contacted by farming families across the country, seeking his advice.

Con says: “I’ll help anyone I can. Admitting you’re depressed is a huge step. At least, it was for me. I thought macho men never get depressed but there is no such thing as a macho man. Depression makes a small man out of you.”

Con says it was around this time of year in 2008 when he felt something wasn’t right.

“There wasn’t a specific incident that sent me down the path of depression, but I was not myself and as time went on I became more introverted. I had no interest in the farm, I didn’t want to meet people. I withdrew into a cocoon and the only place I wanted to be was in bed. I didn’t know it then, but that is the worst place you can be – in bed with negative thoughts.”

And it was all negative.

“As far as I was concerned, the cattle weren’t thriving, the crops weren’t growing, nothing was right. The demon depression dims your view of everything.”

In fact, there were two weeks where Con never left the bed. “I didn’t eat, barely drank. Mary would ask me to have a bit of dinner but I would just reply: ‘Tomorrow.’ Family relationships were really affected. I mean, there I was, the father of the house, thrown in the bed. There was nothing physically wrong and for a healthier person, you’d be thinking, why can’t they just pull themselves together? I think they suffered more than I did.”

It was his wife Mary who coaxed him into seeing a doctor.

“My GP was very supportive. He put me on anti-depressants. But anti-depressants aren’t a magic pill. They might get you out of the hole and up two rungs of the ladder but you have to get up the rest yourself. It’s very difficult to motivate yourself if the motivator, which is the brain, isn’t fully functioning. But you have to dig in, put in the work and give it your best shot. Fight the demon depression like it’s the enemy.”

“I started doing a small bit every day. I might have just done an hour on the farm and gradually added to that in small manageable chunks.”

Now Con says there aren’t enough hours in the day. “I love farming. The farm is signed over to my son Donncha but retirement wouldn’t even enter my head.

“That’s not to say that I’m not fearful depression might darken my door again, but I feel I’m in control. I’ll ask for help and turn it around before it gets too far.”

If you would like to speak to Con, please email emcbennett@farmersjournal.ie for details.