Dear Miriam,

I come from a farm but I am living in Dublin while I complete a six-month internship as part of my degree. As I’m not paid for my placement, I tried my best to find an affordable house-share in one of the suburbs to keep costs down. I eventually got a single room in a house with two other girls that came within my budget, but I’m now starting to wonder if it’s worth it.

One of the girls has a boyfriend who doesn’t have a job and is living with his parents but basically hangs around our house all day watching TV, using the internet etc. He seems okay, but I don’t really feel like I can watch the soaps when he is there or wander down for breakfast in my pyjamas etc. Needless to say, he is not paying rent or contributing towards the bills, so I am somehow supplementing his lifestyle.

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A bigger problem is that the girls are quite untidy. Every cup, plate and piece of cutlery sits in the sink for a few days before it is washed, clothes are left in the washing machine, the fridge is filled with out-of-date food and, since moving in, I think I’m the only one who has attempted to clean the bathroom and shower.

It might sound like I am a moaner, but after working hard, the last thing I want to do is come home to a messy house. However, it’s not like I can just decide to move out tomorrow, especially as it is hard to find a short-term lease and I’d end up losing my deposit. On the other hand, I feel I can’t start laying down the law as I’m the “newcomer” to the house and outnumbered. I don’t really want any trouble anyway and, despite all the mess, the girls do seem nice and we get along fine.

However, I still have five months ahead of me here. Any advice?

Stressed in the city

Dear Stressed in the city,

It’s no fun coming back to a messy house after a hard day’s work, not to mind feeling like Cinderella cleaning up after your two housemates (not to mention the live-in Prince Charming).

Of course, it’s not easy to bring these issues to the table, especially when you feel it’s two against one. The temptation is to put up with it until the lease is over and then cut your losses and leave. Certainly, there are ways you could get around some of the problems without stepping on anybody’s toes, e.g. keep your own clean plates and cutlery in your room, get a portable TV etc. That said, you are paying rent and bills and that gives you a right to a clean and comfortable home, so you should not feel like you are being unreasonable in trying to establish some basic rules. This doesn’t have to be done in a confrontational way. You say that the girls are nice, despite their messy ways, so could you try approaching the topic along the lines of: “When I moved in, I forgot to ask about a cleaning rota now that there’s three of us here. Can we draw one up tonight so I know what to do?” This brings the topic up for discussion without pointing the finger at anybody, and will hopefully provide some structure for the rest of your time there.

As for the live-in boyfriend, I’d understand if you found it too difficult to raise your concerns with his girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean you should feel uncomfortable in your own home. So even if he is watching a match, you can always ask if he’d mind terribly switching over to Coronation Street. What can he say to that? He’ll soon get the message that the sitting room is not his personal cinema, and you avoid any major confrontation.

At the end of the day, you just have a few months there, so try not to let it get on top of you. Get involved in after-work activities so you don’t feel trapped in the house and go home the odd weekend for a break. I hope things work out and wish you the best of luck in Dublin. CL