In last week’s column, I wrote about people with intellectual disability advocating for themselves. A few days later, Mark O’Connor, one of the best advocates for people with additional needs in the country died tragically.

Too often we hear of people dying in violent circumstances. There is no threat to the public, we hear. The gardaí are not looking for anyone else. Then the real story unfolds in a matter of days and people are stunned, wondering how could this have actually happened? The case is committed to some kind of horror memory closet in our brains.

When another terrible event arises, we remember the names and we recall the place where the family lived. We heard that day about the O’Connor family in Co Louth, Mark, his wife Louise and their son Evan.

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Tim and I recalled the Have family in Co Cavan, the Dunne family in Co Wexford, the O’Sullivan family in north Cork, the Butler family in east Cork. These people touched us because they lived in rural areas and were well known in their communities.

We wondered how three people could have been killed by one man shortly after breakfast on a Monday morning. Three voices have been stilled forever in Co Louth. I was shocked that this could happen again. I thought about Mark and Louise. I particularly thought about their son with additional needs.

We had a long chat about Mark, a lovely, kind and gentle man to whom family meant everything

Evan was found by the side of the house. He would have been waiting patiently for his bus to go to the day centre, Praxis Hub Network, Drogheda where he’d meet his friends and caring staff.

Routine is everything for an autistic person. He may even have found the weekends difficult. He possibly loved Monday mornings more than most of us. I cannot imagine the fear Evan must have endured before his tragic death.

Remembering the O'Connor family

Later that evening, I answered a call from my daughter, Julie. She was tearful. “Mum,” she said “the O’Connor family – it’s Mark. Remember he was my boss in Inclusion Ireland.”

It was a blast from the past that I was not expecting. We had a long chat about Mark, a lovely, kind and gentle man to whom family meant everything. I conversed with him regularly during my long stint on the board of Inclusion Ireland. Julie knew him really well as her manager and friend.

He continually encouraged her to achieve. His dedication to Evan, his autistic son, was awe inspiring. He made sure that he had all the supports he needed as did Mark’s wife, Louise. Julie remembered when there wasn’t a school place for Evan, Mark and Louise set about creating one with other parents.

Evan was one of two pupils to begin school in the new Abacas special school in Drogheda which he attended for 14 years. The O’Connors had all sorts of interests and community involvements and they will be remembered fondly by the Drumgowna people. They were also lobbyists and stalwart campaigners for autistic people. They will be memorialised for their strong legacy of advocacy.

When the aggressor is a family member, the aftermath is terribly difficult for those left behind. For the public looking on, the question is asked repeatedly as to how these cases can be reduced. Mental health services are called into question. Very often, there is not enough help for people to enable them to get well. Also, people tend not to fear their own flesh and blood. Isn’t that the most natural thing in the world.

So maybe awareness needs to be cultivated around the possibility that you could be harmed by a loved one who is struggling with serious mental health issues.

My sincerest condolences to Cian who has lost his parents and his brother, Evan, RIP. Life can be very tough.

If you or any member of your family have been affected by this story, please contact the Samaritans on 116 123, Pieta on 0818 111 126 or the emergency services on 112 or 999.