Question: I’m about to sit my driving test and I’m so anxious about it. I’m afraid I have it failed before I even get in the car.

I’m an older lady, and I lost my husband 18 months ago. Our farm is in a very remote part of Cork and he was the driver in the house. I’ve been relying on the kindness of my neighbours to get in to town for shopping, and other appointments, but I really hate asking for help. So I decided to overcome a huge fear and started taking lessons earlier this year.

My instructor thinks I’ll fly it, and she’s a lovely woman who has the patience of a saint with me. But I’m not so sure as my nerves are getting very bad, the closer the day of the test comes.

ADVERTISEMENT

A nervous older driver, Co Cork

Dear reader,

It is only natural that you would be nervous ahead of your driving test, especially if the need to drive has only come about since you lost your husband.

You are still grieving, so I have no doubt some of that anxiety has something to do with finding yourself on your own after all these years.

You seem to be under the care of a lovely driving instructor whose confidence in you must be well founded. I doubt she would have encouraged you to apply for your test if she didn’t think passing it was a possibility.

The only advice I can offer is to stay calm and as focused as you can on the day of the test. There are so many variables that won’t be under your control, but if you keep a cool head, you stand every chance of surprising yourself and gaining a new found independence that you’ll never ever regret.

Readers’ replies

Dear Miriam,

In response to the letter from the restless wife whose husband who won’t travel with her, (23 May 2026) can I tell her from 40 years’ experience of the same, she must go to Australia herself and spend a few months with her daughter and enjoy her new grandchild. The older farmers are married to the land, not their wives and if you wait any longer for him, you will be too old yourself to enjoy travel and your own retirement. It will also be a lesson to him to fend for himself while you’re gone.

A solo traveller who waited too long

Dear Miriam,

The lady who wrote in about her husband refusing to travel with her struck a chord with me. My husband was strongly attached to the land and then suddenly his health failed and he was left fighting for his life.

Cancer doesn’t care about plans and it has left him unable to farm or enjoy the money earned from working. His retirement has left him in a home, separated from me, after a long marriage. I wish sincerely we had taken holidays and spent the money that is now being spent on his care.

We never dreamed this was going to happen so to that husband, please remember that your health can fail quickly. Learn what we didn’t and live today for tomorrow might not come. Spend your savings and travel with your wife. Don’t waste time, it’s not infinite.

A lonely wife

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie