I was at home for a night in Tipperary. My brother Conor and his youngest daughter Marie were over to spend the week with dad. Midterm break now falls on the same week in the UK and Ireland.

It was a chance for a good sleep too as I curled up in my brother’s old bed. It is still his bed in my mind although he probably hasn’t slept in it for over 25 years. I listened to the male voices chatting in the morning, missing the harmonious tones of my mother as she busied herself in the kitchen. Curled up in the home where I grew up, it is easy to remember my formative years.

I have six nieces and two nephews. I’m seriously interested in their lives and work hard at building non-judgemental relationships with them. There is no denying the generation gap. It is much bigger than with my own children. With a gap of 14 years between my sister and me, her children are much younger.

We know that parenting brings with it serious responsibilities and there is little room for complacency

Kate is 10 and lives in Cork and she was waiting patiently for her two cousins to come to visit her; Áine from Tipperary and Marie from London. Kate couldn’t tolerate the thought of the two of them being in Tipperary while she had to attend school. A contentious mother meant she was not getting any extra days off.

We know that parenting brings with it serious responsibilities and there is little room for complacency. Social media, tablets and devices of all nature have to be policed. We can bury our heads in the sand and hope everything will be OK or we can get involved ourselves.

I clicked into Marie’s story on Snapchat the other day. She announced she couldn’t wait to go to Ireland and she tagged her cousins; @Katereallylovescats, @Áinelovesdoggies, @Jack5423. I’ve changed their tags to protect their privacy but you get the picture. It was a stark reminder of how far ahead this new generation are and how adept they are at this kind of communication. There is only one way to keep on top of it and that is to learn it and to use the apps that they use. Being a Luddite about it all is foolhardy and irresponsible.

Learning to negotiate

Amongst mothers we often joke about the names we have been called over the years from being so mean and lacking in understanding to being the strictest mother among all the other girls’ or boys’ mothers. Children are particularly good at provoking a guilt trip.

It is the one thing that can break the strongest mum. We’ll leave the conversations about dads to another day.

Every year brings huge changes to this little group. This year we are down one. Cathy couldn’t make the trip this year as her school exams are due next week. It is year 11 for her and that means that she must do well in preparation for year six during which she will take her A-Levels. Interestingly she will take a mere four subjects.

They had lots of things on the agenda from shopping to a movie night and then over to me early in the morning to feed calves

Meanwhile, Áine will have 11 for her Junior Certificate. With her mocks behind her, she could afford the break. Well, the three women hatched their plan. Once Marie arrived from London, she and Áine would travel to Cork to be with Kate. Aunties and mothers would fall into line.

But the girls had not done the ground work with their parents so negotiations had to be revisited.

These experiences prepare them for later life. They learn to plan, to seek permission and to understand that sometimes things do not go according to plan. I’m aware that divine intervention was sought so that the right outcome would be achieved.

The girls were delighted when their plans did come to fruition. One massive lesson in negotiation had been realised. I was elected to bring the two visitors to Cork. They are so tech-savvy! They were in regular contact with Kate. They had lots of things on the agenda from shopping to a movie night and then over to me early in the morning to feed calves. Hopefully one of the cows will produce a calf at the right time.

I love the opportunity to educate them about nature and the circle of life that is so much part of our lives. There’s only a few years left before they will have better things to do. I miss them already.