My wife and I are on the verge of separation even though I love her very much. But we are really struggling to get along with each other the past year or so.

I’m a full-time dairy farmer and she’s from a farming family herself so there were no surprises in store when we got married and she moved to my side of the county. We have two kids, primary school age, so they aren’t as full on as when they were younger.

My wife has a job she enjoys and we aren’t stuck for anything. My parents live in the old farmhouse next door so we have on-site babysitters who only love spending time with their grandkids. But lately, my wife seems to have no patience for any of us.

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She snaps at the kids morning and night, which sometimes is warranted but more often, not. I can’t seem to look at her right or I start a row over nothing. I probably should do more around the house but I’m gone from early every morning til late in the evenings as I’m a one-man show, the way I like it.

I’ve suggested getting a cleaner to ease the household burden on her but she wouldn’t hear of it. And when I asked if she’d like to head away for a weekend, just the two of us, she said no, but wouldn’t give me a reason. I think we need counselling at this stage but I’m afraid to ask in case she loses the plot entirely. I don’t want my marriage to fail or to break up my family, but I don’t know where to turn to help us through this really bad patch. Any advice would be really helpful.

– Worried husband,

Co Kerry

Dear reader,

It sounds like both you and your wife are weathering a storm of some force, and for some time now, which is clearly taking its toll on you all. If you aren’t being entertained with any of your ideas as to how to reduce the day-to-day stress of running a home, or spend time together as a couple, then I think it’s time you broached the subject of counselling again.

By calmly explaining to your wife that you cannot continue living in such circumstances, you can point out that by seeking the help of an independent professional you stand the best chance of coming through this current bad patch.

If you aren’t being entertained with any of your ideas as to how to reduce the day-to-day stress of running a home, or spend time together as a couple, then I think it’s time you broached the subject of counselling again

An accredited counsellor can explore the issues causing stress in your relationship in a safe manner and can support you both in making the best decision for you and your family. A list of accredited counsellors is available at psychologicalsociety.ie. If there is resistance to this idea initially, don’t despair. Let it sit with your wife for a time. But ask her not to dismiss the subject entirely.

Suggest that she thinks about it, for everyone’s sake and you never know, she may well have been thinking along the same lines because it sounds like she is as unhappy as you are right now.

A word of caution though. Be gentle in how you approach this topic. Simply point out that the ongoing tension in the house is affecting the family as a whole and you want to work with her to find your way back to a happier, healthier home.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie