I am so hurt by my so-called friends who I have discovered have gone on holiday without me. These are the group I went to college with, a long, long time ago but we have all retired within the last six months, and it seems they have gone off and celebrated the milestone without me.

I was married later in life and we have two daughters, who are both in exam years, so I’m trying to give my friends the benefit of the doubt in that they thought I wouldn’t be able to go. But that isn’t really the point when the invitation wasn’t extended to me in the first place.

My husband is livid as he knows how upset I am by their actions and has told me to cut all ties. But I have shared so much with these women down through the years. Part of me wants to walk away but the other part wants an apology and a reason as to why I was excluded.

ADVERTISEMENT

I only found out by accident when a mutual friend who hadn’t been on the break, asked me if I’d enjoyed the holiday. You might think a grown woman would have more to be worried about in this day and age, but I am genuinely devastated by what feels like total and utter rejection.

– A sad reader, Co Meath

Dear reader,

I am so very sorry your friends chose not to include you in their plans, which is understandably hurtful if the friendship has survived since your college days.

There are many reasons why this trip may have happened unbeknownst to you, but until you hear the true story, I would suggest you refrain from trying to come up with the answers on your own.

I’m not sure your husband is the most impartial person to be taking advice from, however. He is rightly defending you and taking the hurt you’ve suffered personally.

I think the only solution to your problem is to arrange a coffee date with as many of these women as possible. Ask them straight out why they didn’t mention the trip and tell them how hurt you are

I would advise you to take the time you need to deal with the hurt and pain of what you rightly perceive as rejection. But I would also suggest you meet up with these women to ask why you weren’t included in their plans.

There may well be a kind motivation behind their exclusion. State exams are a stressful time for all the family and it’s not just during the two or three weeks in June when tension can flare. So perhaps they were being considerate in not asking you to choose between them and your children at this time of the year.

But from your letter, it sounds as if the greater hurt comes from not being invited in the first place. Which again is completely understandable.

Perhaps you had intimated in a previous conversation that you wouldn’t be leaving the house until the Leaving Cert was over, or maybe you gave another small, innocuous clue that heading away wasn’t top of your priorities right now.

Either way, when you feel strong enough, I think the only solution to your problem is to arrange a coffee date with as many of these women as possible. Ask them straight out why they didn’t mention the trip and tell them how hurt you are.

Their reaction will tell a lot and guide you in how you wish to proceed with the friendship. True friends will realise and accept their mistake and hopefully apologise for the hurt that has been caused.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie