Are you open to learning more about your mental health so that you can keep yourself well and also spot when someone else is in difficulty? Do you know when and how to listen and when to intervene? Louth-based psychologist Enda Murphy believes in the importance of training community leaders in how to respond and support others in time of difficulty.
As well as his day job as a therapist and author, he runs emotional first-aid courses in the Dunleer area on a voluntary basis since a response to suicide occurrence in the area was required.
“The purpose is to teach people – parents, teachers and community leaders – what mental health is about,” he says, “to give them the insights they need to at least recognise what it is they are actually seeing.”
MUCH MORE THAN ABSENCE OF ILLNESS
Mental health is a million times more than just the absence of mental illness, he says. “Think of physical health: I might be very physically unhealthy and I might not be ill, yet I could be a (medical) time bomb waiting to go off. It’s the same with mental health: problems can build up. Mental health has all to do with how we feel about ourselves and our skills in coping with life.”
Good mental health can come from the unconditional acceptance of the world as it is, he believes. “If you’re mentally healthy, you’re able to do that (accept imperfection and strife). The more mentally healthy you are the harder it is then to knock you off balance.”
POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH VITAL FOR RURAL COMMUNITIES
As well as being crucial to living, developing good mental health is also the missing link in protecting rural communities from isolation and decline, he adds.
“If we don’t learn how to look after our mental health, we could develop vulnerabilities. That will stop people participating in community activities, with the result that communities are less able to respond to the threats of isolation and depopulation,” he says.
RECOGNISE WHEN SOMEONE VULNERABLE
Being able to recognise that a person in your community is vulnerable is very important. “If you understand the fundamentals of mental health, you will be able to recognise if someone is getting anxious.
“How you respond is very important. You don’t go over and say: ‘We will reach out to you.’ That’s suggesting to the person that they are somewhere that you’re not. Instead acknowledge how they feel.
“Thankfully, people are starting to lose their fear of telling people that they are depressed. Having mental health challenges doesn’t mean you’re less than or different to the rest of us. You’re the same as the rest of us, and depression happens to all of us at some stage of our lives,” he assures.
The person who is depressed is usually rating themselves as a failure, he says. “Instead of trying to convince the person they’re not a failure, you’re saying: ‘Yeah, maybe you are but you’re no more a failure than I am.’
“The problem isn’t that the person is a failure. The problem is they have an idea in their head about what a normal person is like, and it’s that photo fit image of what a normal person is like that’s at fault, not them,” Enda says.
CATNAPPING BETWEEN TWEETS
Creating boundaries between the real world and the virtual one is a key to good mental health too, he says.
“In one of the workshops we look at what healthy internet use is and ask what other activities people can get involved in. You’d be amazed how boredom can be a very useful tool. It is the mother of invention.
“If you take away iPads or the internet is down, kids may be bored for 10 minutes, but then they’ll come up with some kind of game. Sleep is very important for teenagers too – with technology switched off. What you don’t want is teenagers catnapping between tweets and not getting enough rest,” says Enda.
IF YOU EVER FEEL THERE’S A PROBLEM
He gives examples of how community leaders can help. “It could be that you suspect a person has a problem with alcohol, say someone on a football team.
“You can’t go in saying: ‘You need to stop drinking.’ Instead, you say: ‘Listen, if you ever feel there is a problem, maybe I can help you get help. Then the person may say: ‘Well, maybe I need to do something about this.’ At that point you’ll know where to refer the person – you’ll have phone numbers to give them for GPs and support organisations.”
LEADERS NEED INFORMATION AND SUPPORT
Both information and support is needed for people to manage their mental health, he states. The three-hour a week, six-week emotional first-aid programme is focussed on providing insights and skills to the people who have the most contact with vulnerable people in the community.
“It’s not just bringing them to the vulnerable people in the community. Community leaders then bring those skills back to their own communities,” Enda explains.
Self-help materials have to be combined with guidance, coaching and facilitation to result in good outcomes, research shows. “Programmes like this one are more effective because they zone in on relationships that are already established in community life: teachers, parents, club leaders.
“It’s not about teaching people to act as therapists or to assess others, but it is training them to be more effective listeners. The good news is that the vast majority of people can be helped to overcome their distress.”
The workshops he runs look at everything from the dynamics of emotion to setting boundaries for teenagers to recognising when things get serious, for example when a person is very depressed. The six-week stretch is necessary to give people time to do homework and think about what they’ve learned, he says.
“They have time to practise the suggestions then and maybe read a little bit as well.”
RURAL GPs MORE PROACTIVE NOW
Enda Murphy trains rural GPs in providing basic cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT )techniques to help patients experiencing depression and anxiety. Of the 600 rural GPs he has been involved with training 80% were rural. “Learning CBT skills means that GPs are now a bit more proactive in dealing with panic attacks, anxiety and depression,” he says. CL
DON’T BELIEVE THE ‘BULL’ IN YOUR HEAD
Anxiety comes from our tendency to catastrophise, says Enda. “What happens in our heads is that we catastrophise what we think will happen, but when we go ahead and do it it’s never as bad as we’ve imagined. The conversation going on in our heads is our logical and emotional brains talking to one another, but we’re not our thoughts and we don’t have to respond to all of them. One of the most fundamental concepts in psychotherapy is that you don’t believe every bit of old b******t that goes on in your head,” he explains.
WE’RE ALL RAGGY DOLLS
Embracing the idea of “raggy doll” individuals and communities is really important, he believes. “Like imperfect toys in the old children’s television series, we are all imperfect in some way. Emotional first aid means getting rid of the idea of the perfect society or perfect person who is able to cope with everything.
“It’s about teaching kids how to fail and letting them see us fail and coping with that failure. It’s about us all understanding that ‘sometimes I’ll do well and sometimes I won’t’,” Enda explains.
There are four criteria for membership of the “raggy doll club” (ie humanity), Enda says:
• You’re not perfect and you never will be.• Yes, you have screwed up at some time in your life, but so has everyone else.• You can’t be measured by your screw-ups, because there is no measuring tool. • You don’t have to accept anyone else’s opinion of you, because their opinion of you is no more valid than your opinion of them.TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE
So, what mistakes do we make when it comes to trying to help others with mental health issues? “The common pitfall most of us make is trying to change the person,” he says. “The very fundamental principle of first aid is not how we try to change the individual, but how we change our response to what that person is doing. For example, say a difficult kid is getting into trouble at school – everybody focuses on what he is doing wrong but ignores what he is doing right. So what we do as therapists in the emotional first aid programme is change how we approach that,” Enda explains.
“We focus in on building his confidence by focusing on what he is doing right. When he does something wrong we deal with it, we put it to bed and we don’t mention it again and we immediately go back to what he is doing right,” he says.
Enda Murphy is the author of Five Steps to Happiness: Learning to explore and understand your emotional mind. He is also co-author of Flagging the Screenager: Guiding your child through adolescence and young adulthood.
CONTACT
If there are community groups in the North East interested in availing of the emotional first-aid programme, they can contact Enda Murphy via email at cbtireland@eircom.net
Are you open to learning more about your mental health so that you can keep yourself well and also spot when someone else is in difficulty? Do you know when and how to listen and when to intervene? Louth-based psychologist Enda Murphy believes in the importance of training community leaders in how to respond and support others in time of difficulty.
As well as his day job as a therapist and author, he runs emotional first-aid courses in the Dunleer area on a voluntary basis since a response to suicide occurrence in the area was required.
“The purpose is to teach people – parents, teachers and community leaders – what mental health is about,” he says, “to give them the insights they need to at least recognise what it is they are actually seeing.”
MUCH MORE THAN ABSENCE OF ILLNESS
Mental health is a million times more than just the absence of mental illness, he says. “Think of physical health: I might be very physically unhealthy and I might not be ill, yet I could be a (medical) time bomb waiting to go off. It’s the same with mental health: problems can build up. Mental health has all to do with how we feel about ourselves and our skills in coping with life.”
Good mental health can come from the unconditional acceptance of the world as it is, he believes. “If you’re mentally healthy, you’re able to do that (accept imperfection and strife). The more mentally healthy you are the harder it is then to knock you off balance.”
POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH VITAL FOR RURAL COMMUNITIES
As well as being crucial to living, developing good mental health is also the missing link in protecting rural communities from isolation and decline, he adds.
“If we don’t learn how to look after our mental health, we could develop vulnerabilities. That will stop people participating in community activities, with the result that communities are less able to respond to the threats of isolation and depopulation,” he says.
RECOGNISE WHEN SOMEONE VULNERABLE
Being able to recognise that a person in your community is vulnerable is very important. “If you understand the fundamentals of mental health, you will be able to recognise if someone is getting anxious.
“How you respond is very important. You don’t go over and say: ‘We will reach out to you.’ That’s suggesting to the person that they are somewhere that you’re not. Instead acknowledge how they feel.
“Thankfully, people are starting to lose their fear of telling people that they are depressed. Having mental health challenges doesn’t mean you’re less than or different to the rest of us. You’re the same as the rest of us, and depression happens to all of us at some stage of our lives,” he assures.
The person who is depressed is usually rating themselves as a failure, he says. “Instead of trying to convince the person they’re not a failure, you’re saying: ‘Yeah, maybe you are but you’re no more a failure than I am.’
“The problem isn’t that the person is a failure. The problem is they have an idea in their head about what a normal person is like, and it’s that photo fit image of what a normal person is like that’s at fault, not them,” Enda says.
CATNAPPING BETWEEN TWEETS
Creating boundaries between the real world and the virtual one is a key to good mental health too, he says.
“In one of the workshops we look at what healthy internet use is and ask what other activities people can get involved in. You’d be amazed how boredom can be a very useful tool. It is the mother of invention.
“If you take away iPads or the internet is down, kids may be bored for 10 minutes, but then they’ll come up with some kind of game. Sleep is very important for teenagers too – with technology switched off. What you don’t want is teenagers catnapping between tweets and not getting enough rest,” says Enda.
IF YOU EVER FEEL THERE’S A PROBLEM
He gives examples of how community leaders can help. “It could be that you suspect a person has a problem with alcohol, say someone on a football team.
“You can’t go in saying: ‘You need to stop drinking.’ Instead, you say: ‘Listen, if you ever feel there is a problem, maybe I can help you get help. Then the person may say: ‘Well, maybe I need to do something about this.’ At that point you’ll know where to refer the person – you’ll have phone numbers to give them for GPs and support organisations.”
LEADERS NEED INFORMATION AND SUPPORT
Both information and support is needed for people to manage their mental health, he states. The three-hour a week, six-week emotional first-aid programme is focussed on providing insights and skills to the people who have the most contact with vulnerable people in the community.
“It’s not just bringing them to the vulnerable people in the community. Community leaders then bring those skills back to their own communities,” Enda explains.
Self-help materials have to be combined with guidance, coaching and facilitation to result in good outcomes, research shows. “Programmes like this one are more effective because they zone in on relationships that are already established in community life: teachers, parents, club leaders.
“It’s not about teaching people to act as therapists or to assess others, but it is training them to be more effective listeners. The good news is that the vast majority of people can be helped to overcome their distress.”
The workshops he runs look at everything from the dynamics of emotion to setting boundaries for teenagers to recognising when things get serious, for example when a person is very depressed. The six-week stretch is necessary to give people time to do homework and think about what they’ve learned, he says.
“They have time to practise the suggestions then and maybe read a little bit as well.”
RURAL GPs MORE PROACTIVE NOW
Enda Murphy trains rural GPs in providing basic cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT )techniques to help patients experiencing depression and anxiety. Of the 600 rural GPs he has been involved with training 80% were rural. “Learning CBT skills means that GPs are now a bit more proactive in dealing with panic attacks, anxiety and depression,” he says. CL
DON’T BELIEVE THE ‘BULL’ IN YOUR HEAD
Anxiety comes from our tendency to catastrophise, says Enda. “What happens in our heads is that we catastrophise what we think will happen, but when we go ahead and do it it’s never as bad as we’ve imagined. The conversation going on in our heads is our logical and emotional brains talking to one another, but we’re not our thoughts and we don’t have to respond to all of them. One of the most fundamental concepts in psychotherapy is that you don’t believe every bit of old b******t that goes on in your head,” he explains.
WE’RE ALL RAGGY DOLLS
Embracing the idea of “raggy doll” individuals and communities is really important, he believes. “Like imperfect toys in the old children’s television series, we are all imperfect in some way. Emotional first aid means getting rid of the idea of the perfect society or perfect person who is able to cope with everything.
“It’s about teaching kids how to fail and letting them see us fail and coping with that failure. It’s about us all understanding that ‘sometimes I’ll do well and sometimes I won’t’,” Enda explains.
There are four criteria for membership of the “raggy doll club” (ie humanity), Enda says:
• You’re not perfect and you never will be.• Yes, you have screwed up at some time in your life, but so has everyone else.• You can’t be measured by your screw-ups, because there is no measuring tool. • You don’t have to accept anyone else’s opinion of you, because their opinion of you is no more valid than your opinion of them.TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE
So, what mistakes do we make when it comes to trying to help others with mental health issues? “The common pitfall most of us make is trying to change the person,” he says. “The very fundamental principle of first aid is not how we try to change the individual, but how we change our response to what that person is doing. For example, say a difficult kid is getting into trouble at school – everybody focuses on what he is doing wrong but ignores what he is doing right. So what we do as therapists in the emotional first aid programme is change how we approach that,” Enda explains.
“We focus in on building his confidence by focusing on what he is doing right. When he does something wrong we deal with it, we put it to bed and we don’t mention it again and we immediately go back to what he is doing right,” he says.
Enda Murphy is the author of Five Steps to Happiness: Learning to explore and understand your emotional mind. He is also co-author of Flagging the Screenager: Guiding your child through adolescence and young adulthood.
CONTACT
If there are community groups in the North East interested in availing of the emotional first-aid programme, they can contact Enda Murphy via email at cbtireland@eircom.net
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