Question: I am dreading the summer months, as I have been roped into provide summer childcare for my niece and nephew in an arrangement I have been guilted into. I am a primary school teacher and am coming up to the end of my first year in a permanent post. I was so lucky to get a local school, so I’ve been able to stay living on the farm, with Mam and Dad.

But now, the situation has been hijacked by my sister-in-law, who has decided that I can help out with the summer childcare without even asking me.

I found out a month ago, from Mam, that I would need to help her mind the two kids, who are lovely in small doses. But I don’t want to give up my first summer with a proper salary coming in. I had hoped to go travelling with some friends, but seeing as I had nothing booked before this was all arranged, it’s pretty much assumed that I will stay at home and do as I’m told.

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I think everyone is being really unfair, but I know if I push back, I’ll be accused of being selfish and I’ll have my brother on my case along with everyone else. How do I step back a little from this job that I haven’t even been consulted on and do what I want with my summer?

- Stressed-out aunt,

Co Kilkenny

Dear reader,

Firstly, congratulations on your first permanent post. That’s a wonderful achievement and the fact you’ve found a school that allows you to live at home is a great way to start your career with some financial freedom to play with.

Speaking of freedom, it’s perfectly understandable that you would want to spend your first summer heading off with your friends. And your sister-in-law’s childcare conundrum shouldn’t have any bearing on that. I would ask to speak with both your sister-in-law and your mother, separately if you feel that would be more conducive to being heard. I would explain that while you’re happy to help out when your schedule allows, you have a number of plans for the summer that means you won’t be available to care for your niece and nephew full-time.

You have every right to set boundaries in place, and while it may not go down well, if you don’t do it this first summer you may well find that future summer holidays are hijacked in a similar fashion.

Reader writes

Dear Miriam,

I refer to the article (13 June) where you offered the lady nice advice ahead of her driving test. I would also suggest she considers driving around the town where the test is to be done, on the day of the test and the night before. Even a driving lesson the morning/ afternoon of her test, to work through the pre-test butterflies, may be worth considering as is booking her test during non-peak hour traffic times.

A massive amount of people fail their first test, so I would encourage this lady to stay the course until successful. In the western world failure is seen as a negative; in other cultures, it’s seen as experience gained and another step on the journey to ultimately achieving one’s goal.

- Kind regards,

A long-time bus and artic driver (who failed my first car test)

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie