Question: There seems to be a growing issue among young people with phone usage and, increasingly, with not really living in the real world.
I am currently trying to cajole a 17-year-old Leaving Cert student into even opening his schoolbag. He has been home for two and a half hours and has been glued to his phone for most of that time. So many of his previous interests have been dropped, and we are genuinely at our wits’ end. We know the phone is a huge part of the problem, but we seem to be stuck in a cycle. The more we tell him to get off it, the more he digs his heels in. We can’t simply take it away from him without creating an enormous battle.
He has agreed to house rules — for example, no phone in his bedroom until after 8pm and the phone being left back in the kitchen at 11pm — but even though he has agreed to these rules, enforcing them often ends in an argument.
Where do we go from here? How do you set boundaries with a 17-year-old who knows the rules but simply refuses to follow them, without every evening becoming a battle?
I would really appreciate any advice on how to tackle this, particularly when phone use seems to have replaced so many of his other interests and is affecting his schoolwork.
From a Mam that wishes she never bought her children phones.
Dear reader,
The frustration in your letter is palpable and I’ve no doubt the battle playing out in your home is one many readers will relate to.
There will also be many parents out there who will agree with you on regretting purchasing phones for their children, but in this digital world it’s hard to conceive of a way in which teenagers could navigate life without a device.
In saying that, the fact your son has agreed to rules but then resists their implementation means it is time for a sit-down talk to remind him of his responsibilities.
We aren’t dealing with a young child here, he’s 17 years old, so he has to accept that if he wants to enjoy the perks of having his own phone and social media accounts, then he must accept that these perks come with conditions. He may argue he needs his phone for school work, but a laptop, which most Leaving Cert students have, has all the classroom technology required, weakening that argument.
The most common advice offered by experts in how to manage children’s screen time, especially for older teenagers such as your son, is to do as you say. In other words, if you can restrict the amount of time you spend on your phone, it may have a positive impact on your son. If you can model positive behaviour when it comes to phone usage in the evenings, it might make a difference.
We aren’t dealing with a young child here, he’s 17 years old, so he has to accept that if he wants to enjoy the perks of having his own phone and social media accounts, then he must accept that these perks come with conditions
As a parent myself, I’ve learned that reducing access to the internet can sometimes be easier than constantly policing a phone. A router switched off at a set time each evening can help create a natural break from screens.
The priority is breaking the unhealthy habit he has formed with his phone use and if these tech issues were to strike on a regular basis, it just might help to lessen the confrontation and give you some peace.
Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie
