This morning as I swept the floor there was only one thing on my mind and that was the argument that I listened to last night. I decided to give the hall a really good clean, and I was on my knees wiping the skirting boards with a damp cloth. Philip and Diarmuid were playing a game on his Play Station 4. Diarmuid bought it out of the money he got for his 30th birthday in September. He had a Play Station 3 some years back and I’d forgotten how much joy it brought him.

He has soccer games on it and very often when they are finished farming, either Philip or Colm would have a game with Diarmuid. So there’s lots of banter about how bad or good each is and so on. I’d often hear them planning a game when the heifers are done. Yesterday was one of those days, as the heifers were brought home for the winter. The grass had run out on the outside heifer-rearing block. So it had been a long day and Diarmuid is a great help on those days. Every time the brothers play together I’m thankful that my two sons make time to just be with Diarmuid. It is a lonely world for him at home, while his siblings get on with their lives.

Cartoon by Clyde Delaney.

Different generation

I am always conscious of Diarmuid’s situation and it is probably one of the reasons that I love to have people staying with us. All activity makes Diarmuid’s life more interesting. This year my niece, Aoife, is staying with us while she completes her college studies and postgraduate master’s in education at Blarney secondary school. Aoife finds time for Diarmuid too and I notice how he loves the interaction with her.

One day I was in the back of her car and Diarmuid and Aoife were selecting the music they would listen to on the journey. I would do that too, but I realised how different her words and lingo were. When you’re a different generation, you are just a different generation. We can try to be “cool”, but in their eyes we’re just good sports. But I never stop trying because that keeps the lines of communication open.

Phone troubles

So there I am on my knees when I hear the voices rising. Philip has checked Diarmuid’s phone – and to be fair to Philip he does this often. It’s one less job that Tim and I have to do. Diarmuid has reinstalled Messenger. Face book and Messenger, What’s App and Snapchat are all wonderful tools for communication, but they can cause terrible headaches for someone who might not understand the higher order of communication. It is very easy to like something that you shouldn’t and to cross barriers that are invisible to you. So poor Diarmuid was in the wars again.

Messenger is a particularly difficult one and as a family we don’t want him using it. It is just too difficult to navigate and he falls into traps on it. If only there was a way to block it completely. He has all the other ones.

I don’t get involved. I used to interfere and I just didn’t know enough. Philip tried to put parental control on D’s phone but the only one available to him was three years upwards. So the periodical row continues. It breaks my heart when it happens because I realise we are stopping D having something that he wants, but we have to do it to keep him safe. So many young people will get phones this Christmas. It is incumbent on parents to be aware of the dangers and to monitor their use.

So in the run up to Christmas, I wish all my readers a peaceful and happy family time. In the spirit of togetherness, keep an eye on the vulnerable people. My sincerest gratitude to each of you who got in touch on various topics. I always value your thoughts and thank you for taking the time to do so. Merry Christmas.