Dear Miriam,

I have always wanted to join a book club and was recently invited into a local group through a friend of my sister-in-law’s. I am a complete bookworm and love to discuss themes, characters, plot twists etc, so it was with high hopes that I went along to my first meeting.

However, it seems that this particular book club is more about swapping gossip and glasses of wine than books. I’d say we spent about five to 10 minutes tops discussing the book, if even that. On a few occasions, I tried my very best to pull the conversation back to the book – for example, asking what they thought of a particular character or the ending – but really, it was to little avail. I found this very frustrating after going to the bother of buying and finishing the book, which was not the usual thing that I would read if I was choosing myself. But I wanted to make an effort.

While I appreciate the opportunity to have been invited into the book club, I don’t think I’m going to get much from it, judging by the first meeting. But it seems a bit rude now to leave. What do you think?

Bookworm,

Galway

Dear Bookworm,

Thanks for your email. I suppose there are lots of book clubs out there – from the informal to the more literary – and people join them for all sorts of reasons. In my own case, I like the discipline of having to read a book every month or so, quite often outside the usual genre I would opt for myself in the book shop. But I also love the social side of it; and if I’m being honest, I am probably guilty of being more interested in the cheese board and charcuterie than the themes and characters a lot of the time! But at the end of the day, it’s a hobby and I feel this mix fits my needs.

Obviously, you are looking for a club that puts more of a focus on the book and that is completely fine too. I’m sure your spare time is precious and you want to spend it in a way that is enriching for you. In my own experience again, people will come and go from a book club all the time and there are no hard feelings. We are all adults and I think as long as you are polite about it, it’s really not a problem. With the summer, the club will possibly be taking a break anyway as people go on holidays and kids are off school, so it might not be that hard to exit “stage left”. You can always thank the organiser for inviting you in and making you feel so welcome, but just explain that it’s not working out for you at the moment due to other commitments if you want a “soft Brexit” so to speak (no need really to mention the gossip/glasses of wine!)

It might be worth checking in your local library to see if they run a club there, where more focus is put on what you are reading.

I’m not sure what other options are available in your area, but it might be worth checking in your local library to see if they run a club there, where more focus is put on what you are reading. Alternatively, if you are active online, the “Rick O’Shea bookclub” on Facebook is Ireland’s largest book club and a great place to discuss a read and share recommendations with like-minded people. You can find out more on www.thebookclub.ie or find on Facebook.

Just because this particular club did not have what you were looking for, don’t let it put you off trying another avenue. I wish you a lovely summer filled with plenty of great reads.

A reader writes

Dear Miriam,

Could I add a comment to letters regarding the infant baptism? One mum said that it was old-fashioned, but something that has been around for the best part of 2000 years without going out of fashion has to be a plus?

It would be nice to consider the child rather than get upset about what your friends think. Some years ago, I remember there was a family where the parents decided not to baptise their children, but when the child was nearing confirmation age, they asked to be baptised and the parents agreed to it.

Wishing you the very best in your work,

“Silly Old Gran” CL