Question: I am torn between taking my three kids on holidays on my own and leaving my husband on the farm, but I don’t know if I’m doing more harm than good.
I’m a farmer’s daughter so I fully understand the demands of farm life at this time of year. But I’m also a mother of three young children and I’m so aware of how fast these years fly by.
My husband is adamant the farm won’t survive without him, even for just a week. His father and brothers have offered to hold the fort if we were to go on holidays. But he still won’t budge.
We can afford it, as we’ve had a good year. It’s causing a lot of friction as I want a break, even if it’s only three or four nights in a hotel on the coast. I’ve told him I’ll go without him, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough to actually follow through. I don’t want to split up the family but I do want him to understand how important it is to me for the five of us to have quality time together.
Am I being selfish, or just as stubborn as my other half?
– Frustrated wife, Co Longford
Dear reader,
The art of compromise is considered key to healthy relationships and it’s difficult to see where your husband is coming from when his response to your suggestion is a hard no.
It’s also tricky to see his side of things when he has the offer of family help to keep things ticking over if he was to go away for a few days.
As I always advise, communication is key so I think your best approach here is to take a step back from heated arguments and consider what may be deterring your husband from spending time with you and the children.
As I always advise, communication is key so I think your best approach here is to take a step back from heated arguments and consider what may be deterring your husband from spending time with you and the children
You say you’re in a good place financially but that may not be his perspective. It may be helpful for you to research some options of a budget holiday, or to show him your calculations as to how this is something you can afford as a family.
If he still refuses to join you, I would encourage you to take some time away with your children. You’re right in that they are small for such a short time, and while the thoughts of being on holiday on your own with three little ones may appear daunting, take it from someone who knows, not only is it entirely doable but hugely enjoyable.
I would like to offer some advice to the Leinster school leaver featured in Irish Country Living’s 4 July edition.
My daughter had exactly the same dilemma, wondering whether or not to study for a Culinary Arts degree at university or complete a Higher Level Apprenticeship at college.
She chose the latter route, her degree was government-funded and she was able to earn as she learned. There were also opportunities to travel and enter competitions.
I think there is a herd mentality in a school environment as a young person can feel they are doing something wrong by not following their peers to university, particularly if they receive good results.
Make the most of the summer break gaining work experience, it will make any decision much clearer and I wish this young person every success.
Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie
SHARING OPTIONS