Over the years my cooking for family and friends has evolved. I’ve tried new ingredients, new combinations of spices and herbs and new ways of cooking. Some of these have come about to accommodate different food allergies or diets.

I’ve cooked for vegans, vegetarians, and those following a dairy free or sugar free diet. With many family members being diagnosed coeliac, I now have quite a repertoire of gluten free recipes.

However, none of these compared to my experience over the summer.

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I agreed to give a 25-year-old French student bed and board for eight weeks while he was on an internship. The information sent to me included the fact that he didn’t eat cheese. I did hope that it was just pieces of cheese he didn’t eat rather than anything with cheese. Would I still order pizzas on Friday or would he eat my lasagne with the cheesy white sauce?

When he arrived I was delighted that his English was way better than my appalling French. I was looking forward to great chats over dinner on summer evenings.

When he joined me for our first meal together it all kinda fell apart. He took one look at the bowl of Irish stew with mashed potatoes and asked “Did they not tell you I don’t eat vegetables?”

I replied that I had been told he didn’t like cheese. He then informed me that he did not eat cheese or vegetables in any form. He added that at a push he would manage a few leaves of lettuce if they were part of a sandwich but nothing else. I sat opposite him watching as he picked out the pieces of meat to eat and left a plate of discarded veg.

I thought about all the spaghetti sauces and shepherd’s pies I had made and frozen in advance to cover evenings I was working, none of which he would eat.

Over the next few weeks meal times became quite stressful. I had to cook two separate meals each night. Most of my own meals would start with browning an onion or include a can of tomatoes – none of which he would eat. Friday pizza was out as was lasagne. Even chicken kievs weren’t on the menu because of the garlic. Oh, and by the way, he did eat potatoes but not mashed as I discovered after I went to the trouble of making a separate fish pie with no onions, peas etc. He picked the fish out and left the rest.

I thought about all the spaghetti sauces and shepherd’s pies I had made and frozen in advance to cover evenings I was working, none of which he would eat

Friends told me I should cook as usual and if he didn’t like it, he could go hungry. But I couldn’t do that to a guest in my home and let’s not forget I was getting paid to keep him. I had however assumed I would be using lots of my home grown veg in his meals. Without veg I had to fill the plate with more meat or fish so costs were rising as well as my stress levels.

After three weeks I’d had enough and cancelled the placement. I suggested they find him self-catering accommodation. I don’t need the stress of planning separate meals every night and then sitting there wondering if he is going to eat anything.

Most people my age grew up eating whatever was put in front of us or we went hungry. Nowadays many families cater to the particular likes and dislikes of different members of the family. On the one hand it’s great that children are being heard and for some children with diverse needs certain foods are triggering. Allergies and intolerances are, of course, a serious matter but what about “I don’t like green vegetables” or “I’ll only eat pasta with butter.”

Many parents find themselves short-order cooks, trying to keep everyone happy. We don’t want children going to bed hungry but neither should parents spend ages cooking a variety of different dishes.

I’ve always regarded meals as a social occasion and an opportunity to share stories, jokes and discuss a variety of topics. Do families who have numerous food preferances miss that opportunity as parents are stressed over the meal preparation?

Hopefully families can find a compromise that’s bigger than “I’ll eat a few leaves of lettuce in a sandwich if I must”.