I have nowhere else to turn as anyone I have confided in has told me to count my blessings and get on with it, but I’m really struggling.

I am a nurse, working full-time hours, my husband is a dairy farmer and we have four children. I have always done as much as I can to help out on the farm, especially during the busiest times of the year, and I can’t complain as my husband does carry the burden there.

But my children are so demanding of my time and attention and I’m finding it so hard to keep all balls in the air at the moment. I’m finding that I’m getting resentful of the huge expectations on me.

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Our eldest girls, twins, are in Transition Year and seem to be busier than ever, with constant demands for money, never mind permission to go to house parties, as it seems the teenage discos are not their scene any more.

I feel like I’m never out of the car, dropping and collecting to sports pitches and dance classes and while I am genuinely so thankful for healthy children, I’m starting to worry if I have any life at all.

My husband has tried to understand, but they don’t hang off him in the same way they do me. They seem to accept the fact that he’s working all day on the farm so he doesn’t have the time to ferry them around the place. But I work too, night shifts are actually a welcome reprieve from the madness of life as it means I get to sleep when they’re in school.

Am I being selfish to want to carve out some time for myself or should I – as some friends suggest – just get on with it?

– Colette, Co Galway

Dear reader,

I’m so glad you’ve reached out for advice as I’m afraid your friends’ dismissal of your concerns is all too common and is frankly very unfair of them.

You’ve often heard the expression, ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’ and in your case it sounds like your cup has very little left in it, as you tend to all the demands of motherhood, not to mention the very taxing profession you are in.

It is not at all selfish to put our mental and physical health first, although as mothers – that is not how society tells us we must be. From when our children are first born, we tend to their every need, but as they grow older and learn to do more things for themselves, we need to encourage and develop that sense of independence.

You’ve often heard the expression, ‘you cannot pour from an empty cup’ and in your case it sounds like your cup has very little left in it

One small but practical step you could take is to carpool with other parents so that the transport to and from matches, training and dance practice doesn’t always fall to you. You could also sit your older daughters down and explain they now have to help you out with designated tasks, whether that be cooking a meal one night a week or taking care of their own laundry.

Your husband needs to be part of this conversation too, so that everyone in the family is aware of the stress you are under and appreciates the fact that if you continue down the road you are on, your health will suffer. We all need to be reminded of the importance of minding ourselves, as often we only realise it too late.

Do you have a problem you would like to share? If so, write in confidence to: Dear Miriam, Agony Aunt, Irish Country Living, Irish Farmers Journal, Irish Farm Centre, Bluebell, Dublin 12, or email miriam@farmersjournal.ie