I’ve a problem that I’d like to get your advice on, if possible. I’ve spoken to some close friends and family about this, but I feel their relationship with the person involved is colouring their advice.
I like going to see him on the weekends and I like when he comes down to see me. It is always exciting
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend since college. We’re out a couple of years now. We live and work on different sides of the country, about two and half hours away from each other.
To be honest, the distance never bothered me that much. I like going to see him on the weekends and I like when he comes down to see me. It is always exciting. But he seems to have found it more difficult.
He wants us to be together more and thinks we should move in together. He’s in partnership with his father on the farm at home, so he can’t go too far from there.
I like living with my friends for the time being
This is creating a big hurdle for us, because I’m certainly not ready to move to the farm. I can’t see myself doing it, not at this age. Honestly, I can’t even see myself living with him if he were to move to where I live now. I like living with my friends for the time being.
I also told him I want to go travelling when that’s possible again and he said that with the farm that’s just not an option for him.
I really do love him Miriam, but I can’t see how we’re going to make this work.
I’m so confused, should I move in with him? I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to lose the life I’m living now.
Thank you very much for getting in touch. I do empathise and do not envy the situation you are. It is not easy to make big decisions when it comes to relationship matters like this. But let me give you some advice that might help clear your head and organise your thoughts a little.
The positives here are that you do mostly seem to know what you want. Firstly, I would advise that you have a think and get even clearer on this.
Answer the following questions for yourself: Are you willing to move to the farm now? Are you willing to move to the farm ever? Are you willing to give up going travelling? Are you willing to do long distance if you do go travelling?
Clear communication is the key
Once you know where you stand on these issues, I suggest you sit down with your boyfriend and have an open and honest conversation with him. Both of you say what you do and don’t want. As well as what you are and are not willing to compromise on. In having this conversation you should have an idea of where you stand.
Clear communication is the key.
I know it is not easy, but start by figuring out exactly what you want
At the end of the day, if you both want things to work, you can and will find a way. If you come to the conclusion you both want different things, it will be hard, but better for this conversation to be had now than in five years’ time.
I know it is not easy, but start by figuring out exactly what you want and what you are and are not willing to compromise on. Make these decisions for yourself and no one else.
Wishing you all the best,