Dear Miriam,

My five-year-old daughter is due to start primary school in September, but I am very worried that she might be bullied because of her weight.

I always knew that she was bigger than most children, but she has always been tall for her age anyway. However, when the school recently held an open morning for the new pupils, it really highlighted the difference for me between my daughter and the other children. I’m now dreading going to buy the school uniform as I know that I will have to get a size for a much older child.

I have struggled with weight myself, so I know what it feels like to be bigger and I don’t want that for my daughter. At the same time, however, I never wanted to make an issue of her weight or give her a complex by denying her the treats that other children had.

There is so much talk about eating disorders that you don’t know what to say or do, but I realise childhood obesity is just as big a problem.

I feel very guilty as a mother that I have allowed the situation to get to this stage. I think I’ve had a bit of a wake-up call that something needs to change, but I don’t know where to start. What do you think I should do?

Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother,

Thank you for your letter. The first thing I would say to you is that guilt is a useless emotion and will not help this situation, so let go of that and focus instead on the positive steps you can take for your daughter’s – and indeed your family’s – future.

The second proactive thing you could do is make an appointment for your daughter with your GP for a check-up to find out what a healthy weight would be, taking into account her height etc, and how you can set realistic goals to achieve it in terms of the amount of daily exercise she should have, looking at diet etc. All this can be done very subtlety if you are worried about upsetting her.

Remember that you are not looking for a “quick fix” before September, but rather putting in place healthy habits that should last a lifetime. Most guidelines suggest children should have 60 minutes of exercise a day. At first, that might seem daunting, but the key to success is to make it fun so that it becomes an enjoyable part of life, rather than something that has to be endured.

Is there an activity that you daughter particularly enjoys, like swimming or cycling? If so, maybe that should form the basis of your routine. However, remember that all movement counts, whether it’s dancing around the kitchen to her favourite songs, playing in the park or trying fun challenges together, like how many times you can skip without stopping. Make out a rough plan for every day and get the whole family involved so that everybody benefits; and your daughter does not feel like she is in boot camp.

If sugary drinks, chocolate and crisps are a problem, there are tips on www.safefood.eu on how to keep treats as just that. It’s also worth coming up with rewards that are not food based, such as a trip to a local play centre. Also, by encouraging your daughter to be more involved in cooking healthy meals etc, she will be more likely to enjoy eating them, and, again, it’s important to lead by example in this regard.

Doing things together will actually be key to success, especially once she starts school and her routine changes. If you are worried that she might be bullied, encourage her to talk about her day and just keep an ear out for anything that doesn’t sound right, though hopefully she will not have any issue. I wish you a happy and healthy summer and all the best for September.