Dear Miriam,

We have a neighbour who calls up to the house about once a week. During lockdown, that all stopped of course, but once the restrictions lifted a bit earlier in the summer, she started to come around again.

To be honest Miriam, she can be a bit of a busybody and an awful gossip, but she’s connected with my husband’s family going way back, so I grin and bear the visits. You wouldn’t want to end up on the wrong side of her, if you know what I mean.

I’m really not comfortable with her calling to the house

Anyway, the reason that I’m writing is that I know that she calls to lots of other houses, and I’m not sure if social distancing is high on her list of priorities. Certainly, I’ve seen pictures of her on Facebook out and about with other people that are not immediate family, arms around each other etc. I can’t really understand how people can behave like that, with everything we know now. But she seems to just do her own thing regardless.

As a result, I’m really not comfortable with her calling to the house. I work part-time in a setting with vulnerable adults and am trying to be so careful all of the time. This means not going for meals out etc with good friends, which I would love to do.

Long story short, I really don’t want her calling up to the house anymore

But I have to think beyond myself. I don’t really want to get sick – or God forbid – bring the virus to the people I work with because this lady refuses to curtail her socialising.

Long story short, I really don’t want her calling up to the house anymore. But as I said, she’s a right gossip and I’m sure she’d have plenty to say about me behind my back if I asked her to stop visiting.

What should I do?

Worried Neighbour, Munster

Dear Worried Neighbour,

Thank you for your email. I think this is pretty clear cut really. If you are not comfortable with this woman’s behaviour, then I think you have every right not to want her in your home. To be honest, from what you say, she doesn’t sound like the nicest person to have in your life at the best of times anyway, but I do understand why it’s been hard to give her the heave-ho before now.

Of course, you don’t have to get in to the nitty gritty of it with her in terms of calling her up on her behaviour. But I would not even wait until she drops in next time to break the news to her. I’d just give her a ring and say: “I’m sorry X, but at work we have been asked to reduce our social contacts due to the vulnerability of those we are caring for, so we are not going to be able to have visitors to the house for the foreseeable future.” And you just can leave it at that.

I imagine that there are plenty of other people who see through her just as you do

After all, what can she really say in response – or behind your back – about such a reasonable request, given your circumstances? And even if she was to go around the parish giving out about it, it would really just reflect negatively on her.

To be perfectly honest, I imagine that there are plenty of other people who see through her just as you do, so I’m not sure how much weight her opinion really would have locally – or why it should ultimately matter.

I think really you know yourself what is right for you, your family and the people you work with

In one way, this could be a bit of a blessing in disguise to get her out of the habit of calling. I’m sure if you pass her in the street or meet her in the shop, you can be perfectly pleasant or make a bit of small talk, but I would not be throwing open my door to her for the time being.

I think really you know yourself what is right for you, your family and the people you work with.

Hopefully, this will give you the little bit of extra confidence to see it through. Stay safe and wishing you all the best.

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