Dear Miriam,

I have been seeing a guy for the last few months and I thought it was going really well. However, one of my best friends is getting married in September, but when I asked my boyfriend if he would come with me, he said he would prefer not to as weddings “aren’t really his thing” and I’d probably have a better time with my own friends rather than spending the day “minding” him.

I was really disappointed, but tried my best to hide it and said it was okay. However, I now wonder if the relationship is really going anywhere if he won’t even join me at this wedding when he should know it would mean a lot to me. He can be a bit shy until you get to know him, but I feel he could at least make some effort for the day. Should I say something or just let it go this time?

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Kate, Munster

Dear Kate,

I think you need to be honest with your boyfriend. If it’s not okay by you, there’s no point pretending otherwise.

I’m not saying that the relationship is doomed just because he doesn’t want to go to the wedding – there are lots of people who don’t enjoy them – but there are times when we all need to make an effort and this is one of them. If he is shy, maybe he does genuinely feel that you would not be able to enjoy the day if you had to look after him all the time. You could explain that you know that it’s not easy to go to a wedding as a “plus one”, but you would really like to share the day with him and would be happy to introduce him to a few people in advance to make it easier?

Once he knows how much it means to you, hopefully he will come along. If not, maybe you should ask if this is a sign of things to come and question if you should cut your losses? But, as always, honesty is the best policy.

Readers Write

In response to a recent letter from a mother who wants her daughter to go to university rather than study to be a beautician, we have received the following letters from our readers.

Dear Miriam,

After reading the concerned mother regarding her daughter wanting to train as a beautician, I thought I would contact you.

I left school in 1978 after completing my Leaving Cert. Having talked with my parents for the previous couple of years about going on to train in this field, we had done our research and I made sure to study biology as one of my subjects.

Fast forward to 2015 and I am still working in this industry. Loving it still and working very hard but I feel as if I never go to work.

In that time, I have worked as an employee, both in Ireland and abroad, been a trainer and now am an employer with my own business and I have staff working for me. There are so many fields you can specialise in now and the job satisfaction can be immense.

I agree entirely with your suggestion to try and get some summer work and indeed to take a course in business, which would be very helpful if she wanted to open her own business in the future. I wish her all the best,

Claire

Dear Miriam,

In response to the Leinster mother who thinks a“proper” qualification is right for her daughter, I think she is placing too much pressure on her. Did she ever think that college may not be for her daughter? Just because her other children went to college, doesn’t mean her daughter has to.

In the beauty industry, there are always people wanting to get their make-up done or get beauty treatments, so there will always be a job somewhere for her daughter. On top of that, who knows, she might be the next biggest make-up artist in the country?

A“proper” qualification isn’t the be all and end all, and if she does decide to go and get a degree, there are always options for the future.

Breege