A new year, a new decade, a new fitness regime perhaps, a new way of eating, dressing, working etc. There’s so much newness when we begin January and as we draw this month to a close the focus on changing things often persists into February and beyond.
The implication of new of course means replacing the familiar way of doing things; in other words, new equals change and change brings uncertainty. It means we go from what we know (even if we’re essentially unhappy where we are and would like things to be different) into the unknown. That is frightening for many of us.
In my experience, people look towards the unknown in two ways; either with absolute fear or with full-on curiosity. Also in my experience, the second perspective here is the much more comfortable one to hold, as usually people who employ a curious outlook generally believe whatever the future brings they’ll manage it.
Now, it’s very easy for me to say the simple solution to living with uncertainty is to change your mindset to believe you’ll be OK no matter what happens. For sure, you could convince yourself to say that but until you actually believe that, it’s not going to make any difference in how you feel about the uncertainty of change.
So how do you go from a feeling of fear to a feeling of curiosity?
Well, let’s look at our fear of the unknown head-on. Many of us have had disappointments in life, many of us have had our hopes dashed and some of us hold onto that hurt long after the situation which caused the hurt has passed.
Some of us allow our attention to stay on the feeling of hurt and disappointment, getting caught up in our thoughts about how unfair the world is. 
But the past is not more powerful than the present unless you’re holding onto the past and in effect keeping the past alive.
I have said before, to go into your current experience with the veil of the past really robs you of all the possibilities on offer in the present moment, for each new moment is filled with brand new potential and when we’re looking at the present through the veil of the past we often miss the joyous magic of life. If we persist with this pattern we might well end up never being fully awake in our own life, never fully finding the joy that exists in life, never being able to feel satisfied or content but this doesn’t have to be the case, remember the world is a good place.
Mindfulness exercise
Whenever you catch yourself looking at the present with the eyes of the past, pause and remind yourself: “I am here.” No matter what you’re uncertain about, that simple statement will always be true, you will always be here and that can help you to feel a little bit steadier in the grips of fear of the uncertain.
Physical exercise
It can be really grounding (that is to say, something that keeps you here) also to notice your feet on the ground and what that feels like, as opposed to what you think about that. I normally ask my students: “If you closed your eyes so you can’t see your feet, how do you know they’re still there?”
Try that now yourself, close your eyes and try to feel your feet. Do you notice anything? Tingling in your feet perhaps? That’s your awareness of yourself and you’re definitely in the now when you feel that. You’re in certainty when you do that. So once again, if you find yourself with anxiety about something in the future that you’re feeling uncertain about, give yourself some certainty now by grounding yourself with the feeling of your feet on the ground. Practice this daily even when you’re not feeling anxious.
The challenge you see is to let uncertainty soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. What I’m suggesting here is to sit with yourself, with your uncertainty and allow yourself to be in the middle of the joyous unknown with the certainty of: “I am here.” This my dear friends will soften your heart and allow you to begin to see your own and your life’s exquisiteness. There, you’ll feel awake, alive and quiet satisfied. Before you know it, you’ll begin to believe: “I don’t know what will happen, but I know whatever happens I will be OK.” And so you shall be.
Read more
Mindfulness: learning to forgive and letting go
A new year, a new decade, a new fitness regime perhaps, a new way of eating, dressing, working etc. There’s so much newness when we begin January and as we draw this month to a close the focus on changing things often persists into February and beyond.
The implication of new of course means replacing the familiar way of doing things; in other words, new equals change and change brings uncertainty. It means we go from what we know (even if we’re essentially unhappy where we are and would like things to be different) into the unknown. That is frightening for many of us.
In my experience, people look towards the unknown in two ways; either with absolute fear or with full-on curiosity. Also in my experience, the second perspective here is the much more comfortable one to hold, as usually people who employ a curious outlook generally believe whatever the future brings they’ll manage it.
Now, it’s very easy for me to say the simple solution to living with uncertainty is to change your mindset to believe you’ll be OK no matter what happens. For sure, you could convince yourself to say that but until you actually believe that, it’s not going to make any difference in how you feel about the uncertainty of change.
So how do you go from a feeling of fear to a feeling of curiosity?
Well, let’s look at our fear of the unknown head-on. Many of us have had disappointments in life, many of us have had our hopes dashed and some of us hold onto that hurt long after the situation which caused the hurt has passed.
Some of us allow our attention to stay on the feeling of hurt and disappointment, getting caught up in our thoughts about how unfair the world is.
But the past is not more powerful than the present unless you’re holding onto the past and in effect keeping the past alive.
I have said before, to go into your current experience with the veil of the past really robs you of all the possibilities on offer in the present moment, for each new moment is filled with brand new potential and when we’re looking at the present through the veil of the past we often miss the joyous magic of life. If we persist with this pattern we might well end up never being fully awake in our own life, never fully finding the joy that exists in life, never being able to feel satisfied or content but this doesn’t have to be the case, remember the world is a good place.
Mindfulness exercise
Whenever you catch yourself looking at the present with the eyes of the past, pause and remind yourself: “I am here.” No matter what you’re uncertain about, that simple statement will always be true, you will always be here and that can help you to feel a little bit steadier in the grips of fear of the uncertain.
Physical exercise
It can be really grounding (that is to say, something that keeps you here) also to notice your feet on the ground and what that feels like, as opposed to what you think about that. I normally ask my students: “If you closed your eyes so you can’t see your feet, how do you know they’re still there?”
Try that now yourself, close your eyes and try to feel your feet. Do you notice anything? Tingling in your feet perhaps? That’s your awareness of yourself and you’re definitely in the now when you feel that. You’re in certainty when you do that. So once again, if you find yourself with anxiety about something in the future that you’re feeling uncertain about, give yourself some certainty now by grounding yourself with the feeling of your feet on the ground. Practice this daily even when you’re not feeling anxious.
The challenge you see is to let uncertainty soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. What I’m suggesting here is to sit with yourself, with your uncertainty and allow yourself to be in the middle of the joyous unknown with the certainty of: “I am here.” This my dear friends will soften your heart and allow you to begin to see your own and your life’s exquisiteness. There, you’ll feel awake, alive and quiet satisfied. Before you know it, you’ll begin to believe: “I don’t know what will happen, but I know whatever happens I will be OK.” And so you shall be.
Read more
Mindfulness: learning to forgive and letting go
This is a subscriber-only article
SHARING OPTIONS: