We were lucky to get tickets. There’s FIERCE demand for these First Holy Communions now. It’s worse than the Toy Show. We only got the slots because Deirdre’s husband’s mother isn’t well. Otherwise she’d have to go because we’d never hear the end of it. It’s all politics. That was what I said to Deirdre when she married into that family.

“You’ll need to be like Boutros Boutros Ghali with the Tarrants,” I said. “They’d take offence before the words were out of your mouth.”