Dear Miriam,

My wife has a cleaner who comes in every week. She comes in at 9.30am and goes at 2pm. She does the kitchen floor and hall, washes and mops the bathroom, hoovers and dusts the sitting room. That’s all – such a waste of money. My wife thinks she does a great job. The windows or doors are never done – I do them. I am so fed up of it all, but if I open my mouth I am wrong. Where I work, I see the amount of work done by cleaners from 9.30am to 1pm. Help me!

Alan

Dear Alan,

Thanks for your letter. It’s hard for me to respond as I don’t know how big your home is or how thorough your cleaner is.

For example, I could very easily spend a whole morning cleaning my bathroom by the time I’d have the bath scoured, the tiles steamed, the floor swept and washed, the toilet disinfected, the sink scrubbed, the mirror and shower door polished, the bin emptied, the towels changed etc; or I could just lash a bit of bleach about and be done in five minutes! So it really all depends on the amount of work there is to be done.

Maybe the best thing is to give it a go yourself one week and see how much you get done in the same time? It might be an eye-opener! But if you honestly feel that you are not getting value for money after that, maybe consult with your wife about what household jobs should reasonably be expected to be completed in that time period and review the list with the cleaner. For example, maybe every few weeks she could do the windows and doors instead of the other jobs that the both of you could keep on top of yourselves during the week?

I’ll be interested to know how you get on. If any other readers have advice though, feel free to get in touch.

Our father does not want a birthday party; how can we change his mind?

Dear Miriam,

You might be able to help with this problem. Our father will turn 80 this autumn and I would love to organise a birthday party to celebrate this milestone but he’s not having any of it.

I think this is a dreadful shame as I feel it is important to mark these things and to get all the family together at an occasion that is not a funeral! He is a quiet man who does not do “fuss”, but I think he would really enjoy a party if he just went along with the flow. I am actually thinking of going ahead and organising a surprise party regardless; what do you think?

Ann, Munster

Dear Ann,

Thanks for your letter. While I know you have the very best of intentions in wanting to organise a surprise birthday party for your father, I think it is important to respect his wishes. After all, at 80 years of age he’s probably figured out what he wants for himself at this stage of his life!

That said, there is no reason why the occasion can’t be marked in another way; for example, getting your siblings together for a nice family meal in the comfort of your own home, or heading out for the day for a drive and a bit of lunch somewhere low-key.

You could explain to your father that you would really like to do something nice for him to mark the occasion, but you want to make sure that it is something that he is happy with. He may very well have his own suggestion for what he might like to do.

If he really wants no fuss, however, I think it is important to accept that. You can still celebrate the occasion with a nice card and a thoughtful message explaining just what he means to you, while the money that would have been spent on a party could be put towards household costs or bills to make his life a little easier. At the end of the day, that’s the most important thing.

I wish you the best of luck and your father a very happy birthday.