I have a concern in relation to my best friend that I wouldn’t mind getting your advice on.
The two of us have been best friends since primary school and now we’re in our 30s, so we’ve known each other a long time and have a very close relationship.
She’s lovely and would do anything for anyone, but she’s also very headstrong and very much an independent woman Which is no harm, but I feel in some ways this is holding her back.
She often says she would like to meet someone, and as she’s good-looking and outgoing, she’s often dating guys.
You see, I think she’s very picky, but I don’t mean in terms of looks I mean in terms of people’s behaviour
But this seems to never materialise into a relationship for her. I have a feeling I know why this is, but I don’t know how or even if I should tell her.
You see, I think she’s very picky, but I don’t mean in terms of looks I mean in terms of people’s behaviour. In the early stages of a relationship small things will annoy her easily. It could be a comment she thinks is rude, them being late or not showing enough interest in where they go on dates. Some sort of a confrontation over this will nearly always lead to either her or them calling things off.
I want her meet somebody, but I’m afraid if I open my mouth it’ll just cause a big argument
She always says that if she doesn’t show respect for herself, who will, and that she wants someone who’s really nice. I think she’s looking for the perfect man and he’s not out there.
I want her meet somebody, but I’m afraid if I open my mouth it’ll just cause a big argument.
What should I do Miriam, tackle the issue in some way or stay stum?
Dear Bemused Bestie,
Thank you very much for getting in touch. From your letter it is clear to see that you have your friend’s best interests at heart, which makes you a great friend.
However, I think this situation needs a very delicate approach. Going in all guns blazing and saying: “This is what you are doing wrong,” might not help anyone.
Firstly, it has to be said that your friend is right not to accept poor treatment from anyone. Both parties in a relationship must respect each other.
In the second part of her dating series in this week’s Irish Country Living, matchmaker Mairead Loughman speaks about being in a relationship that enhances your life It might be worth a read.
I do, however, understand your concern You feel your friend isn’t trying hard enough to overcome small issues and that is a fair point, relationships require hard work.
This is what I would suggest doing If and when the issue comes up again, I think you should tell your friend that you admire how she stands up for herself, but gently broach that maybe there are some situations where things can be discussed lightly.
Open and clear communication is the key to any relationship. Maybe sometimes it doesn’t need to be made an issue of, but dealt with by just simply saying: “Any chance of being on time next time?” or something to that effect in relation to whatever the problem may be, leaving it and seeing is it taken on board.
There is a fine line in a relationship between give and take I am sure your friend will learn how to walk it.
Wishing you all the best,