Dear Miriam,

I hope that you can help me with a small problem. I am married to a very busy farmer, have a young family and am working full-time. I was saying for ages that I needed more help at home, as there are not enough hours in the day, so my husband agreed eventually that we could get a cleaner in once a week to help with things like the floors, bathrooms, some washing and ironing, etc.

He suggested a local lady, who he thought would be happy to have the bit of work and would be somebody we could trust to have alone in the house when he would be in and out of the yard all the time. I was reluctant, initially, as I thought it would be better to get somebody from an agency to keep everything professional and not so personal but, at the same time, I wasn’t going to lose my chance to get a cleaner, so went along with it.

I’m now thinking that I should have gone with my gut. While she is a very nice lady, she does not seem to get an awful lot done in the time we pay her for. It’s not like I expect miracles in a few hours, but it seems to be the bare minimum that’s being done.

If there was a cleaning agency involved, I could obviously talk to the manager to resolve the situation or try a different cleaner, but because it is a neighbour, it is obviously a lot more awkward. I don’t want to cause any fallout but, at the same time, I don’t want to spend our hard-earned money on jobs that are only half done.

My husband says he is staying out of it, as I was the one who wanted a cleaner – but he was the one who wanted this lady! What do you think I should do?

Frustrated Farmer’s Wife

Dear Frustrated Farmer’s Wife,

Thank you for your letter. I’m sorry to hear what was meant to be a helping hand has turned into something of a hindrance! I agree it is a bit of an awkward situation, as it’s a neighbour, but at the end of the day, she is being paid to provide a service. And once you are not being unrealistic or unreasonable in your expectations of what she should be able to achieve in a certain number of hours, I think it is appropriate to address it.

It might help to have a sit-down chat to see how she is finding the job so far, having had a bit of time to find her feet. If she has no queries or qualms, you could use the opportunity to give her a bit of direction in a gentle way.

For instance, rather than just asking her to give the place a general “once over” in a number of hours, do you think it would be helpful if you gave her a list of specific jobs you would like done really thoroughly week by week – for example, the bathrooms and the kitchen floors – and ask her to concentrate on those in particular?

Again, be realistic in terms of what you ask or expect of her (maybe the laundry is for another day) and check if she is happy with the job list in advance. Hopefully, that might help focus her efforts, and it will be much easier to follow up if the jobs are not done to a certain standard.

If that does not work out, however, I think it would be entirely reasonable to explain that it’s not working out for you; and entirely reasonable that your husband should be the one to handle breaking this news if he was the person who made the decision to hire this lady in the first place.

It’s not fair that this should all be on your shoulders: after all, the house – and the responsibility of managing it – belongs to both of you. I hope everything works out and wish you the best. CL