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I got the best Mother’s Day present of all and it was time: time to spend the morning in bed if I wanted; time to have a luxury shower and time alone in my house, listening to the noises of the countryside. There is huge hype around Mother’s Day, and it has created great pressures on sons and daughters.
It has also put stress on mothers. You have expectations, generated by a commercially driven notion. Your peers in the workplace are getting flowers and exchanging stories about their gifts. If your children are not in the headspace to even know its Mother’s Day, you do feel bad. You understand, but you still feel bad. Of course daughters and girlfriends are great at reminding sons of the impending day.
We are having a really busy spring, and I was tired. On the eve of Mother’s Day, Philip sent me a text:
Mom, you stay in bed in the morning and I will do the shed.
“What a luxury that would be,” I mused. Sometimes we mothers are our own worst enemies. We find it hard to let go of our duties, so I answered: “You’re tired too. We’ll see.”
This son knows me too well. So he insisted. “Don’t mind your smiley face. Stay in bed. I will cover the shed.” So I promised I would. That night I set my alarm for 10am. I figured that would be a respectable enough time to report and finish the calves with him. I’d also have fulfilled the “sleep-in” requirement.
The following morning, I was awake early – and it was utter bliss to be able to go back to sleep. I woke a few times when my phone beeped. The first message was from Colm in Amsterdam, letting us know that all was well with him as he began the first leg of his Nuffield travels. Next was Julie wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. It was followed instantaneously by one from Colm wishing me a happy Mother’s Day.
You wonder how that happened. Did he just see Julie’s message on the What’s App family group? He’d be highly insulted if I suggested that. Then you scold yourself: “So what if he saw her message.” He still took the time out of his busy schedule to send the text. You see what I mean by expectation. We expect well wishes, cards and flowers. My alarm disturbed my reflections and I pressed stop but didn’t get up.
A REAL REST
I woke again at 11.30am. Now that was amazing. There are a whole lot of years when children are small that you cannot have a sleep-in, and even if you do the noise in the house will wake you. I remember times when Tim would insist I’d stay in bed. I’d be just dozing when I’d hear one of them crying or Tim telling them to stay quiet:
Mammy is having a rest.
In later years there would always be deadlines to be made for training and matches. If you did get a chance to stay in bed, some fella would start up a PlayStation. Is there anything more grating that the sound of racing cars? Maybe loud music. Mammy would be so frustrated trying to rest that she’d just have to get up. So now I’ve come to the lovely stage where they all know the value of real rest and a break.
Colm gave me the most amazing card last year. It wasn’t that it was big or beautiful, but the words inside that made it extra special. I’ve kept it and it will cover this year too. This is Colm’s fifth spring at home with Tim and me.
It is hard to know where the time has gone. In that time, we’ve come to depend on him as a true partner and respect his management capabilities. Our farm would be winding down but for Colm coming home to farm. He left on the Friday before Mother’s Day. It is only for seven weeks. He will do another spell of travel later on in the autumn, but that will be a quieter time on the farm.
As I went to the yard to feed the calves early that Friday morning, I found the tears pouring down my face, taking me by surprise.
I realised what a huge void there would be in our lives without Colm at home. We are very lucky. There is also the added pressure on Tim and me to keep the show on the road. Tim has done it all before and is fine about it. I’m just the worrier. It will be nice to be just us two. Just us for now means Tim and Katherine – with Diarmuid and Philip at the weekends.
Julie came for the afternoon. Always the manager, she had D’s card sorted too. She brought me some beautiful chocolates. We shared them and spent a couple of hours chatting.
We remembered two dear friends and young mothers who had died during the year and thought about their sons and daughters. Mother’s day is rotten when your own mother is gone.
The cards leap from the stands in the supermarkets and card shops reminding you of the void in your life. I remember the first bunch of flowers I brought Mam for Mother’s Day. It was news to her that such a day existed! She scolded me for spending money on flowers.
So if you were forgotten this year, give them a gentle reminder for next year. Let them know you’d like something too but forgive them too. It is also important to remember that any day can be a Mother’s Day. CL
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