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I find myself in an unusual place. Change is an everyday reality.
The dynamic of the family changes every few years when the children are growing up. From the cradle to bolshie teenager there is a stability that is unparalleled. While I was going through it, I imagined that I was in a difficult place. I did everything, but I never got to those extras jobs I wanted so badly to do.
It might have been gardening, or painting, or changing a floor covering. It just needed precious time that I didn’t have back then. Priorities were school runs, appointments, farming, meals, housework and washing. In short, it was all about the children. Yet it was a time when they were under our care and we knew where they were, and for the most part who they were with. There was safety and stability.
Then family life changed forever, but I didn’t quite recognise it at the time. They began to go to college. The ache in my heart for the one that was away was constant. Family life took on a different dynamic. The parenting role changed to one of support. Then another went and there was a new adjustment. Parents must cope, so I learned to do just that. It was folly to go on missing them.
Yet part of me, my mothering instinct, continues to miss them. If I stop, do my feelings not change then? Would it be a sign that I didn’t love them as much as before? I wouldn’t dare take that risk. I probably couldn’t stop missing them even if I tried. I truly did not realise how much I loved them until they were away. When they returned home it was different. I quickly recognised the lost stability of the family unit. It had become transient and I had to find time to listen and learn about their new lives and the people in them.
I remember the house was often full of friends and they were often around the kitchen table. Some I dubbed “my fourth son” and I had quite a few of them. Then Julie got married and the lads moved out to begin the next part of their lives. Suddenly all those friends are congregating elsewhere. I find that difficult. I miss seeing their lovely friends and even cooking for them. The special ones visit, but there is no escaping that the dynamic has changed again.
GLOBAL FOCUS PROGRAMME
The silver lining is that Colm has been farming at home with us for five years now and I see him practically every day. Philip is around most weekends and we see Julie regularly. Of course Diarmuid is with us all of the time and I wish that was different for him. So you see, basically we can never be pleased. We want them to move out, but we miss them.
We want them to have extraordinary experiences and to build worthwhile careers and lives. This is our hope for them. When it comes to the young farmer who stays at home, I consider it our obligation to facilitate and inspire new learning and experiences. We have never clipped any of their wings and I believe they are grateful for our encouragement.
We are very proud of Colm and his receipt of a Nuffield Scholarship in 2017. He is away on what is called The Global Focus Programme (GFP). There are two programmes and Colm chose the one that included Africa. There are nine scholars on this one. What an experience he is having. He started in the Netherlands, where they had a conference. Then he travelled to Oregon in the USA and onto Washington DC. He then returned to Europe to the Czech Republic and was in Poland for Easter. He travelled to the Ukraine last Monday.
On 7 April he will go to Kenya and then to South Africa, returning home at the end of April. He has promised that he will hit the ground running for the breeding season. We are into the fourth week and he will be away for seven weeks in total.
THE HOME FRONT
So far we have coped well. We would be a lot better if the weather warmed up and the grass started to really grow. There are only three cows left to calve. We wish they’d hurry on. The cows are well fed, but they are not happy. They need to lie in the sunshine and eat as much grass as they want. It is challenging keeping them fed while trying to keep the protein levels up in the milk. As the grass improves, the protein content of the milk improves.
For every weather event there is a reaction and constituents of milk are affected. It all has to be managed. No doubt all of this is partially on Colm’s mind. He and Tim exchange regular notes on the management of the farm. Obviously the sooner the cows are on grass-only the better, but that’s a while off. He communicates with me semi regularly. If I want to know how he is getting on I can check in on social media. That’s the way of this generation.
If you want young farmers to stay at home, the first priority is top-class education. The second is support and encouragement, and the third is undoubtedly to give them wings. Let them travel and engage with their peers in other countries. Let them have valued experiences and some not so great experiences. Every time they will come home with a new, more informed outlook.
Weather wise, Tim has written off April. May is going to be great and we will have some interesting conversations around the kitchen table when Colm returns. CL
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