Dear Miriam,

I am a woman in my late 50s, separated from my husband for the last 10 years and now divorced. With two children to see through Leaving Cert and college, looking for love again was the last thing on my mind. However, with my eldest now working in Dublin and my youngest on a semester abroad, I find myself feeling lonely for the first time and wondering is this what lies ahead of me for the next 10, 20, 30 years.

I work part-time and I have a good circle of friends, so it’s not like I’m completely isolated. But when I turn the key in the lock in the evening, the silence of the empty house is deafening. If I am watching something on TV or reading an interesting book, there is nobody to discuss it with. If it’s a fine evening and I fancy a spin back to the beach, there is nobody to go with. If I fancy a weekend away, there is nobody to share it with unless I ask my children or a friend, but they are busy doing their own things a lot of the time.

I suppose I never expected to find myself alone at this age. I feel that I have a lot to give to the right person but I don’t know where to start looking for him. I don’t think I would be comfortable with online dating and I also want to be discreet as I wouldn’t like local people – or, heaven forbid, my ex-husband – having a good laugh at me.

I would like to meet a good, honest, hard-working man with a broad range of interests and who is good company. There would have to be a spark, though, at the end of the day.

Have you any thoughts?

Munster Reader

Dear Munster Reader,

Thank you for your letter. You sound like a lovely lady who has put her family first for so long, but now it’s your time to find somebody special to share the next chapter of your life with. So let’s explore a few options, shall we?

I understand how daunting the dating game is, especially with so much happening online. I wonder, therefore, if you might be interested in a more traditional approach, whether it’s the “Getting In Touch” column in this paper (details opposite) or one of the dating agencies that offer a professional matchmaking service?

Typically, this would involve meeting one of their matchmakers to discuss what you are looking for in a potential partner, your interests etc. Using that information, they will then try to find a match for you from their client base. Of course, these dating agencies offer a premium service so they can be expensive, but a typical package usually includes a guarantee of four or five different matches/dates and you have a bit more peace of mind that the agency knows when and where you are meeting etc, while still retaining your privacy. There are many such agencies operating in Ireland, so I would suggest looking at the options online and maybe calling a selection to discuss what you are looking for and to see if they are a good fit for your needs.

At the same time, however, I would maybe look at joining a group where you would have the opportunity to extend your social circle. For example, if you were interested in hill-walking, there are lots of groups around rural Ireland organising weekly walks for all levels and who travel to different walking festivals, organise trips away etc. With the stretch in the evenings now, this would be a great way to get out of the house, get active, travel and just meet like-minded people, which, in turn, might lead to finding that spark you are looking for.

It might also be worth chatting to one or two of your closest friends in confidence to tell them how you feel. You never know, they could well have somebody in mind who could be a good match and they could organise for you to meet them in a relaxed way without any pressure – for example, at a dinner party or if there is a birthday or a special event coming up.

Finding somebody special won’t happen overnight, but the important thing is to enjoy the journey, stay true to yourself and have some fun. I wish you the best of luck. CL