I get depressed at the other side of Christmas, when there’s only talk of cutting back, health binges, diets and exercise. Everywhere you’re in danger of being trampled to death by hordes in high-vis jackets jogging, walking or goose-stepping. It’s a miserable time.

To add to the misery, some local enthusiasts are starting Operation Transformation around here. A new sports activity organisation involving the four parishes is hell-bent on getting us all more active, from pensioners to toddlers. There’s all kinds of sweat-inducing exertions from badminton to running, to touch rugby, there’s even talk of cricket with Percy Pipplemoth Davis. Superquinn and Sergeant McKready, along with Tom Cantwell’s missus and that skinny hoor of a Percy, are in charge of this new set-up. The Gestapo have nothing on them.