Dear Miriam,

One of my good friends is getting married at the end of the summer and the hen party is coming up. Her sister is organising it as a surprise and money appears to be no object. The plan includes an overnight stay in a luxury hotel, spa treatments and a cocktail-making class. With travel, it will cost me at least €300, which I don’t have to spare. I know some of the other girls would be in the same financial situation, but would be too shy to make a fuss. Do you think I should have a quiet word with her sister, or would I be out of line?

Deirdre, Munster

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Dear Deirdre,

Thanks for your email. While it’s not possible to please everybody, I think it’s inconsiderate to organise a hen weekend without consultation or regard for other people’s financial situations.

However, you can make your point in a subtle way. If the sister is looking for numbers for bookings, you could say something like, “I’m sorry to be a nuisance, but I’m afraid I can’t afford that much. Would it be possible to book a house nearby rather than stay in the hotel and still have the spa treatments, or work the itinerary in such a way that people can choose what they do?”

That way, you make your point without pointing the finger. Hopefully, she’ll take it on board. If it falls on deaf ears, the easiest solution might be to say you have an unavoidable commitment that weekend, but make plans to do something special with your friend before the wedding, eg have a sleepover or make a photo memory book.

There are lots of ways to celebrate friendship without spending money and I’m sure she will appreciate your genuine and thoughtful efforts. Best of luck.

A reader writes: There is hope

Letters and emails continue to come in to the “Dear Miriam” column in support of the single farmer who shared his experience of rural isolation (“I’m 39, but feel so isolated”, 26 April). Here is another thoughtful take on the subject from a reader who has been in a dark place and come out the other side.

Dear Miriam,

I am just after reading your article and I am ready and willing to help in any way I can.

I am in recovery from alcoholism and severe depression. I live in a small village in west Limerick and have been farming all my life. I am 64 years old and retired. I can identify with the isolation, the loneliness, the low self-esteem and not wanting to talk to people. The terrible fear in my life meant I could not go to the shop, bank, etc.

Prior to getting sober in 1986, I was suicidal and, again, in 1998 the depression made me feel as if my life was over. I was fortunate that I had a wonderful family who pointed me in the right direction. I am a member of AA and Grow, and I am leading a full life.

I am involved in AA and Grow and I help out in the local church. I am enjoying a full life today and that is why I would love to be of some help. I have been there and I have come out the other side, so if I can do it, so can our friend with the proper help.

I would love to meet our friend and have a chat with him. The thing that helped me most was that I was not alone – there were many more like me

In conclusion, I want to congratulate you on the wonderful work you are doing. The biggest problem today is a lack of communication.

Limerick farmer

(Contact details are with the “Dear Miriam” column if the letter writer wishes to get in touch.)