Should I tackle her on time-keeping?

Dear Miriam,

I hope you can give me some advice. I am married to a farmer and have my family reared, but a few months ago I was approached to look after two children in the afternoons, eg collect them from school and give them a bite to eat until their mother picks them up after work.

I had been looking for something like that for a while, so I agreed a weekly rate with their mother and off we went. For the first few weeks, everything went like clockwork. But in the last while there have been some issues – mainly to do with timekeeping.

The children are meant to go home at 6pm, but most evenings it’s 6.15pm or 6.30pm by the time she comes for them. One or two evenings it was almost 7pm. Of course, she always apologises and I know we can all get delayed from time to time, but none of this extra time has been reflected in what I am paid at the end of the week.

It’s not as if I have to rush off anywhere, but when you add it all up, you’re looking at up to two extra hours in the week that I’m not being paid for.

My husband thinks that I’m being taken advantage of and that I need to put my foot down, but I don’t want to come across as petty or cause any ill-feeling because I am fond of the children and it’s great to have a bit of money of my own.

What do you think I should do? Say something or just let it be?

Mary, Cork

Dear Mary,

Thank you for your letter. We all run late now and again, but when you are the person bearing the brunt of somebody’s consistent tardiness, it is frustrating. That said, I think it is possible to address the problem without making a big deal of it.

I’m assuming that you will be looking after the children during the school holidays, which will mean that you are going to have to renegotiate the agreed rate anyway due to the extra hours. Perhaps you could use this opportunity to discuss how the arrangement is working for both of you?

You could put the ball in her court first by asking if she is happy with everything, such as the type of food the kids are getting for their dinner, what activities she might like you to do with them during the summer etc. Once you let her have her tuppence worth, you could take the opportunity to say that you are really enjoying the work, but you have noticed that the collection time seems to fluctuate and would it be more realistic for both your sakes to re-adjust it to 6.30pm?

Hopefully, she will take the hint and agree or at least apologise and make a better effort to be on time in the future. Either way, once school starts back in September you will have the chance to review the situation again and, if it continues, you can be more firm on the matter. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best.

A Reader Writes

In regard to a letter from a reader (“We want to adopt, but we are scared”) my advice to the reader is to stop worrying about the future. Whether you give birth or adopt, there is no guarantee that your children will turn out the way you want.

My husband and I adopted two children many years ago. We have never regretted that decision. We don’t love them any less than if they were our own flesh and blood. We have had problems, but nothing major.

We told them when they were old enough to understand that they had been adopted and helped and encouraged them as adults to trace their birth mothers. In one instance, the birth parents had subsequently married and we are now good friends with them and our son has two sets of parents. Our other child also traced her birth mother but they did not gel.

We have lovely grandchildren and I couldn’t imagine life without them.

Happy mother and grandmother.