Dear Miriam,

I would like your advice, please. Our only daughter turns 18 in a few weeks and has announced that for her birthday, she would like money towards a tattoo. She wants to get a rose on the back of her shoulder and has pictures from the Internet to show the tattoo artist. Her father and I are absolutely horrified at the idea.

I told her that under no circumstances would I allow it, but she was quick to remind me that, at 18, she does not need my permission to get it done and she will pay for it herself if she has to.

What should I do, Miriam? I’m hardly going to threaten to put her out on the side of the road if she goes ahead with it, but I really don’t like tattoos, as I think they can give the wrong impression and believe that she could live to regret it. For example, when it comes to getting married, will she really want to walk down the aisle in a beautiful wedding dress with a big tattoo on her shoulder? Or will it come against her if she wants to get a good job, etc?

How can I make her see sense before it is too late?

Stressed-out mother, Leinster

Dear Stressed-out mother,

Thank you for your email. While I have seen some tattoos that are almost like works of art and really suit the people wearing them, I do wonder about the wisdom of “branding” yourself at 18 when you are still trying to figure out who you are.

When most of us look back at pictures of ourselves at that age, we often cringe at the clothes we were wearing, our hairstyles, make-up, etc. That’s all part of growing up of course, but the beauty is that all those things are temporary and can be easily changed (or at least, grown out of, in the case of a dodgy haircut!) Erasing a tattoo, however, is a rather more painful and expensive process.

Of course, your daughter is right: at 18, she can legally get a tattoo if she wants (actually, looking online, there does not appear to be a legal minimum age for body art in Ireland, though many parlours apply their own age restrictions and seek parental consent when dealing with minors).

Rather than turn this into a battleground where there can only be one winner, however, I would suggest a softer approach. Sit down with your daughter and explain that while you respect that she will soon be an adult and entitled to make her own decisions, you know from your own experience that fashions come and go and it does take a while to find your own style. (If you have a picture of yourself with an 1980’s perm, now might be a good time to pull it out to illustrate this point!)

Explain that you can’t stop her getting a tattoo, but you are just concerned that it might be something that she might regret in the future and you would prefer if she waited a few years to make sure it is something that she really does want before going ahead with it.

In the meantime, there are some really cool fake tattoos designed by real artists that she could play around with; get her to check out sites like https://tattly.com/ or www.flashtat.com (Beyonce is a fan) or look on Etsy for lots of great options.

If she is hell-bent on getting a real tattoo, however, perhaps you could reach a compromise by getting something smaller in a more discreet place that will be easier to cover up if needs be. At the end of the day, you can’t stop her getting a tattoo as she becomes an adult; but hopefully she will be mature enough to realise that it is something she should really think long and hard about before going ahead with it. I wish you the best of luck. CL