Dear Miriam,

I wonder if you could help me please. My sister-in-law’s first baby will turn one later this month. Obviously this is a very big deal for her and she has lots of plans made for the party, a cake ordered, balloons, banners, the works.

I thought that when Level 3 restrictions were introduced, she would cancel the party or at least scale it back to what is allowed within the advice. But between the various relations who seem to be in the WhatsApp group, it’s looking like there will be many more people there from various households. There is no talk at all about postponing it. It’s more like: “Sure aren’t we all family and the kids are all in crèche/school anyway so what’s the harm?”

It’s not that I’m a kill-joy, but I just feel that this is really irresponsible to go ahead

Miriam, I am very uncomfortable with all of this. I know a first birthday party is a special event for a first time parent, but there are bigger things at stake here. We are the first to complain about third level students or teenagers breaking the rules, but I’m pretty sure that this qualifies as a “house party” as well.

It’s not that I’m a kill-joy, but I just feel that this is really irresponsible to go ahead. But obviously it’s awkward as it’s family; or more specifically, the in-laws! And you know what those relationships can be like at the very best of times.

I don’t feel like it will be right to attend with my children anyway, whatever the rest of them decide to do. What do you think I should do?

Worried Wexford Reader

Dear Worried Wexford Reader,

Thank you for your email. I think you absolutely need to go with your gut on this one. Since you sent your query a week or two ago, the restrictions have changed again to level five where no household/garden visits are allowed (except where people who are at the risk of social isolation are permitted to form a “support bubble” with one other household). I know that this is tough on people, but if your sister-in-law still plans to go ahead with her plans as they are, she will clearly be in breach of these restrictions.

I know that a first birthday party is a big deal for a first time parent; but there will be plenty more birthdays hopefully in the future when people can gather and celebrate together again. At the minute, we are being asked to make these personal sacrifices for a greater good; to save lives. And the fact of the matter is that really, the baby will not remember how many people were at their first birthday, or even if the celebrations are postponed to when things are hopefully a bit better.

Of course, we can’t control or be responsible for other people’s actions, only our own

So this is a party for the adults at the end of the day. Of course, your sister-in-law might have changed her mind since the new restrictions were announced, but there are really no two ways about it: the party should not go ahead.

Of course, we can’t control or be responsible for other people’s actions, only our own. I think it’s entirely responsible to call or send a text message to your sister-in-law (depending on what you feel is most appropriate) to say that while you and your family would love to be at the party in “normal” times, at the moment, you just don’t feel comfortable attending when we are being asked to restrict our social interactions under level five. You don’t need to make any apologies or excuses for how you feel.

Hopefully your sister-in-law and other family members will see sense as well

We all know at this stage what we are being asked to do. That includes your sister-in-law. Hopefully she will get the message and call it off.

I hope that this is helpful, but to be honest, I think you already know what is the right thing to do. Hopefully your sister-in-law and other family members will see sense as well. Take care of yourself and thank you for doing your bit in the fight against this virus.

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