Dear Miriam,

Our only daughter has a very good job in Dublin working in finance and has been in a relationship with the same lad since secondary school. Her boyfriend qualified as a carpenter just before the recession hit.

While most of his friends went to Australia and Canada, he stayed in Ireland because of the relationship, working alongside his brother and father on the family farm while doing odd jobs here and there. I know that they both find this frustrating for lots of reasons: they only see each other at the weekends and they are not in the position to move on with their lives, eg get engaged, etc, while he is in limbo.

Recently, however, an old workmate got in touch to offer him a job in Australia and he is seriously considering taking it. Obviously, the expectation is that our daughter will go with him, even though it means giving up everything she has here. Despite working in Dublin, she has always been a home bird, so it will be a big change for her and, of course, for the family. Australia is just so far away. I’m also worried that if she doesn’t like it, or if the relationship turns sour, she will struggle to get another job if she comes back.

Whatever her decision, I’ll support her, but I want her to know that she doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. Should I say something or just keep out of it?

Concerned Mother.

Dear Concerned Mother,

I completely empathise with you and yes, it is a tricky situation. Obviously, her boyfriend must feel like he has tried his best to make things work here and now has no other option but to take this opportunity. For your daughter, however, that means giving up everything she has worked for career-wise and starting afresh. That said, it could be the best thing that ever happened to them. Who says there isn’t an even better job for her in Australia? Work aside, I’m sure she loves her boyfriend and wants to be with him. Of course, there is a risk it could all go pear-shaped, but what is certain in life?

While you outline your concerns in your letter, you don’t say whether your daughter has expressed similar fears, so I think the best thing to do is arrange a little quiet time together and ask her if she would like to talk about the potential move: what she is excited about and what she is worried about. If you want to give advice, maybe it should be that they draw up a plan between themselves, such as how your daughter might find a job, what happens if one of them is not happy, is it a long-term move or do they see themselves coming back to Ireland, do they plan on getting engaged/married? Moving to Australia is a big decision and will influence other major life events, so it’s important that they know where they both stand. After that, I think the only other thing you can tell her is that whatever her decision and whatever happens, you will always be there for her, love her and support her and that she can always come home.

I wish them – and you – the best of luck.

A reader writes

Many ways to meet your match

Hi Miriam,

I was just reading this week’s column (‘Do you think I should try internet dating’ 30/08/14 edition) and I am surprised you wouldn’t have mentioned festivals that go on around the country. The Lisdoonvarna matchmaking festival is actually fantastic fun just to go to and enjoy. Meeting someone would be a bonus. Best of luck to “Single Girl”. I hope she meets someone special soon. My sister was widowed a number of years ago and just called in to a pub for a bite to eat and met her current partner. They both live in different provinces so it was a chance meeting.

If she wants to meet someone special, try all avenues, including the internet. Also, good friends would not laugh at her – maybe laugh with her – and I am sure will support her anyway they can.

Best wishes,

Mary.