Dear Miriam,

I am an avid reader in the old-fashioned way: I still like to hold an actual book in my hand, rather than a Kindle. If a book comes out and I really want to read it, I will nearly always buy the hardback, rather than wait for it to become available in the local library or in paperback.

A neighbour of mine is also a big reader, but rather than buy the books herself, she always asks to borrow my copy once I am finished. I am always happy to share a good book, but the thing is, the favour is never returned. It is not due to lack of funds on her part or anything like that. She just seems to take it for granted that I will give her my book when I’m finished with it.

I know this seems like a petty thing to be writing in about, but at the same time, it really is starting to annoy me. I’m nearly thinking of not letting on that I have half the books she wants to read so she would buy her own copy for a change. But then, that seems very wasteful and small-minded.

Still, I can’t help how I feel. What is your advice on the matter?

Bookworm, Leinster

Dear Bookworm,

I suppose the main thing is that, first and foremost, you are buying the books that you love and that you want to read. And unless you are particularly attached to them, it is a good thing that they are enjoyed by somebody else, rather than just gathering dust on a shelf.

That said, I can understand why this is starting to irritate you. Most relationships require a bit of give and take – and this seems to be a bit more take, unless she shows her appreciation in other ways. For instance, maybe she is the type of person who drops in lovely flowers from her garden or a few scones she has baked, asks if you need anything from the shops when you are feeling under the weather, gives the kids a lift to school, or maybe she is just a nice person who you would like to have in your life. In that case, the odd book is a small price to pay for having a good neighbour!

If you feel this is particularly one-sided, however, perhaps you could suggest starting a mini book club between you: that you both pick a different book to buy and swap it afterwards. You could always say that you are trying to cut back on extra expenses in the household, if that makes you feel more comfortable suggesting it.

Hopefully, she goes for it. If you have a good relationship in every other way, however, I don’t think it is something that is really worth falling out over. I wish you a summer of happy reading in the sunshine.

A Reader Writes:

Advice from a happy mother who negotiated the rocky path of family weddings

Dear Miriam,

Your excellent advice to the annoyed aunt (“Our niece only invited some of her cousins to her wedding”) will resonate with many readers.

The last outcome is to make the situation worse by speaking to either the bride or her mother. Perhaps the mother in question has been told that it is not her day and she may well be trying to steer a peaceful course to avoid conflict!

My suggestion is to do what several of my own friends and family have done: instigate a new family tradition. Invite all the female cousins to afternoon tea (at home or at a venue) and make it an annual ladies-only gathering. Encourage the men in question to do something similar.

In the busy, stressful world with which our families have to cope, juggling careers and families, wouldn’t it be nice to have the occasional quality time, where they can relax and reminisce in a non-judgmental way. Otherwise, the only time cousins get to meet may well be at funerals.

Kind regards,

A happy mother who negotiated the rocky path of family weddings.