I want to get your advice on something. I know in the grand scheme of things it’s not the biggest deal, but still, I’m so frustrated as I write this.
It’s to do with my husband. Putting mildly, he’s very nervous about COVID. I feel I have been supportive of him all along. In the start I was very nervous myself even, but now with things opening up again, I want to get on with a bit of living.
What if he stays this withdrawn?
I’m not talking about anything over the top, just what we’re allowed to do within the current restrictions. But he won’t hear a word about going away for a staycation and going for dinner is out of the question.
It’s causing a lot of tension between us. I almost feel bad sometimes after we fight, because I know he’s genuinely nervous. But still, he could try and meet me in the middle somewhere.
We can’t stay cooped up in our bubble forever. I worry sometimes then, will he ever come out of this? What if he stays this withdrawn?
The kids are small and that also causes a problem
We’re not vaccinated just yet, but we should be soon enough. I’m hoping that might alleviate some pressure, but it can’t come quick enough.
The kids are small and that also causes a problem. While they can play away independently now, we still have them all of them time at the minute. I don’t think it’s good for us or them to be together all of the time. I’m happy to let my sister have them for a day, but that’s another bone of contention.
What can I do in this situation? How do I support my husband, but also make him realise that if I don’t get out and about soon, I’m going to crack up?
Some advice would be appreciated, Miriam,
Dear Isolation Station,
Thank you very much for your letter. Problems arising from the pandemic are plenty. I’m sure in one form or another, plenty of couples are contending with something similar at the moment.
You are both at opposite ends of the spectrum, which is fine, neither of you are wrong. So what we need to do is bridge the divide. In other words: compromise.
Firstly, you are being compassionate towards your husband’s fears, so well done on that.
Suggest going for a few nights away somewhere quiet and off the beaten track
As with much of the advice I give in this column, I think talking is the way forward. Sit down with your husband and say that you understand his concerns, but you don’t intend on spending the whole summer at home, so could ye agree on a few outings that would suit you both.
Suggest going for a few nights away somewhere quiet and off the beaten track. This will work in two ways: there will be less people and it will be easier to book too, as there is quite a demand for holiday accommodation at the minute.
Don’t worry that he will stay this reserved, when you are both vaccinated I am sure he will feel much more comfortable
An Airbnb or another self-catering type situation might make him feel even more comfortable, as you will have the place to yourself.
On dinner, research a few places and see where has spacious outdoor seating. That too might make him feel a bit more at ease going out for a meal.
Don’t worry that he will stay this reserved, when you are both vaccinated I am sure he will feel much more comfortable getting out and about.
In the meantime, while I hope he will compromise on going places with you, it doesn’t mean that you can’t go and meet your friends for dinner. Just tell him you need to get out and will follow all the necessary precautions.
Just remember, good days are here, even better days are coming
Also, with the children, I would hold firm on your sister taking them for a day. A break will do you both the power of good.
Just remember, good days are here, even better days are coming.
Hang in there. Wishing you the best,