My problem, if you can call it that, is as follows!
I’m a widow in my early 50s. Grown up family. I had been in a long distance relationship for the last few years, but that has finished since the start of COVID-19. This made me realise that I was the one doing all the travelling and giving, but not getting much in return.
Since lockdown however, I have gotten very close to a local man. We live in a small community in rural Ireland.
I would like more, but I’m hesitant to ruin a friendship that has lasted, you could say, a lifetime
He is a lovely man, quiet, softly spoken and I look forward to our nightly phone calls and socially distanced visits.
But my problem is, I don’t know if he wants any more than what we have at present? I would like more, but I’m hesitant to ruin a friendship that has lasted, you could say, a lifetime!
He has never been in a relationship, as far as I’m aware.
I feel like a 16-year-old asking for advice!
Dear Avid Reader,
Thank you very much for getting in touch. I am delighted to hear you have found someone you enjoy spending time with and also that you can now see your relationship that ended at the start of COVID-19 wasn’t for you.
That in itself is a win.
If you do feel like a 16-year-old, all the better, age is but a number
People need advice at every age, from their teenage years right through into later life. So don’t feel as if you are too old to ask for help at all. If you do feel like a 16-year-old, all the better, age is but a number. You can feel as young as you wish.
I quite often get in problems about good friends and wanting to be more than just that. So know you are not alone is this predicament.
I completely understand that you value this friendship of old and you are afraid if you say something it could damage that. But at the end of the day, if you don’t speak up, it will be an opportunity left unexplored. To quote a favourite line of my father’s: “A dumb priest never got a parish.”
I think this is very true in this context. If you don’t say something, you will never know how this man feels. It may also be worth taking into account that if this man has never been in a serious relationship, there is a good chance he might be nervous or unsure of how to proceed in asking you out.
The best thing that can happen is he feels the same way about you and ye start a romantic relationship
I would suggest just saying openly how you feel, that you would like to be more than friends. See what he says. The ball will be in his court then.
The best thing that can happen is he feels the same way about you and ye start a romantic relationship. The worst thing that can happen is that he doesn’t want a relationship and you will remain as friends.
For what it is worth, I think the risk is most definitely worth the reward. I don’t believe in thinking in worst case scenarios, but to indulge it for just a second. Even if he doesn’t want a romantic relationship, I am sure you will find a way continue your friendship regardless.
But look, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Take a chance, life is too short not to.
Wishing you all the very best,