Q. Dear Miriam,

I have three children: two boys and a girl under 12. The two boys take after their father and are tall, of slim build, big into GAA etc. My daughter, however, takes after my side of the family and is heavier than other children her age. She is not sporty, but still has the same appetite as her brothers, especially when it comes to treats.

I have struggled with my own weight and hate to see history repeating itself. I know I should ban all junk food from the house, but I don’t want to give the children “issues” over food. Likewise, my daughter is not confident when it comes to exercise and I don’t want to force her to do something she hates.

However, she is making her Communion next year and I am afraid her weight is going to become a big deal when we go shopping for her dress. She is a beautiful, loving and talented child, but I want her to be healthy and happy too. What can I do without making a big deal of her weight?

Concerned Mother

A. Dear Concerned Mother,

You want the best for your daughter and I can understand your reluctance to make an issue of her weight. However, by taking a proactive rather than negative approach and making positive changes for the entire family – rather than singling her out – it’s possible to tackle this sensitively.

If you visit www.safefood.eu/childhood-obesity, there are very practical tips on making small changes with a big impact, e.g. looking at portion sizes, reducing fizzy drinks, managing treats etc. Of course, it can be hard to say no to that packet of biscuits when you are at the end of your tether doing the shopping, but that is the challenge of parenting. Also, food does not always have to be a reward, e.g. a trip to the playground can become just as big a treat. But whatever change you make, it’s important that all the family abides and benefits – not just your daughter.

With regards to exercise, I think a lot of children don’t feel very confident at traditional, competitive sports. Find something your daughter enjoys – whether it’s swimming or even dancing at home with one of those dance mat computer games – and look at doing more things as a family, whether it’s a Sunday cycle, a walk or even hide and seek, where she will get exercise while still having fun.

You could also ask your GP for advice, but I believe the most important thing is to lead by example. If you can show that a healthy and active life is something to be enjoyed rather than endured, she should follow likewise. Best of luck.

A Reader Writes

Dear Miriam,

In response to a recent letter (“My daughter is unhappy in college”, 4 October edition): Does that girl have enough money to buy some treats? It’s nice to go into the city centre on a Saturday to browse around – even nicer on one’s own sometimes. I have been there myself as an 18-year-old with my first job in Dublin in the ’70s. What a time, after settling in after a few weeks – I was out every night and never drank. There is no need to drink to be part of the crowd.

If there is some dish or baking that she is good at, produce that for the flatmates and maybe it will start something new. If she does not communicate with any of the class, it’s time she did. Perhaps there are a few in her year that might do group projects on topics for the lectures? Get into some games – tag rugby, tennis, gym – or gather a few for a walk/run, just one or two, male or female. Or maybe join Macra? Plenty of clubs in Dublin.

What about a part-time job on a Saturday? Somewhere local, preferably, even a few hours in a delicatessen, shop etc. Or has she any relatives in Dublin or outside, e.g. cousins her own age who she could hang out with sometimes at weekends? It’s tiring coming home every weekend.

Food is a problem for students. It’s up to each student to mind themselves. No need to be doing the housework for the rest either. Would she be better off in digs I wonder?

Some of these hints might help.

Anne, Cork CL