Dear Miriam,

My son and his wife recently had their first baby, a little boy; the first grandson. We are all delighted as we had a very tough start to the year after my husband passed away after a long illness. So the arrival of new life into the family is something to be celebrated.

I don’t even mean the first name Miriam; even the second name would have been enough

There is just one thing that is niggling at me. While I never said it out loud, I sort of expected – or at least hoped – that if they had a boy, they might call him after his late grandfather as a kind of tribute to him and to continue a family tradition.

I don’t even mean the first name Miriam; even the second name would have been enough, just as a sign of respect. However, neither the first or second name selected has any connection with my late husband, who would have been overjoyed to have lived to see his grandson born.

I’m sure that my son would have had no issue with a little tribute somewhere in there to his dad

Maybe you think that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, Miriam, but I think it would have been a lovely touch that would have meant a lot to me and the family.

I’d say my daughter-in-law had the final say over the name; I’m sure that my son would have had no issue with a little tribute somewhere in there to his dad. But I’d say she asserted herself there, if you know what I mean.

I think the baby’s name has been officially registered, so it’s probably too late to change it now, though he has not been christened yet, so maybe there would be an opportunity to include a third name even. Should I have a word with my son about it? What would you do in my situation?

New Granny, Galway

Dear New Granny,

Thank you very much for getting in touch and my condolences on the loss of your husband earlier this year. I can only imagine what a joy it has been to welcome the new arrival after such a difficult time in all of your lives.

I completely take your point that it would have been a nice touch to acknowledge the baby’s late grandfather somewhere in his name; like you say, with the second name.

I think that it’s really important to remember that ultimately, this is a decision for the child’s parents

It seems like a small but significant act that would have obviously meant a great deal to you.

However, I think that it’s really important to remember that ultimately, this is a decision for the child’s parents, not for anybody else.

If your son had felt strongly on the matter, I’d imagine he would have had that conversation with his wife already and that they came to their own decision, for whatever reason.

I imagine that it would just cause unnecessary tension between you all

And with the child already registered, I’m not sure what good it would do to raise the matter at this point.

To be honest, I imagine that it would just cause unnecessary tension between you all at what should be a happy time; and who needs that after the year that you have had?

My advice would be to keep your husband’s memory alive in other ways as this little baby grows up to be a young boy and man. So when the time is right, tell him stories about his grandfather, show him pictures, maybe pass on a special token or belonging when he is old enough to appreciate it and look after it.

I think that could be much more powerful than just giving him a name that won’t mean anything to him if he does not know anything about the great man behind it.

I know this might not exactly be the answer you might have been hoping for, but I think it might be the best approach.

Wishing you all the very best of luck and happiness going forward: enjoy this special time with your grandson.

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