Dear Miriam,

I’m marrying my fiancé at Christmas, we’ve been engaged for the past year. While I’m very excited about planning the wedding and everything, there’s something over-shadowing the whole thing – his house!

I know it’s only a small thing really, but Miriam, the house isn’t great. Now, it’s not filthy with dirt or anything. To be fair on the man he’s clean, but drab and old-fashioned would be the way I’d describe it. You’d know he’s been living there on his own for the last while.

The house I rent now is very well finished and the décor is modern. I can’t imagine moving from there to his place as it is

Since he asked me to marry him and we started planning the wedding, he asked would I move in with him. Obviously, that was always the plan, but now it’s come around to it, I want the house done up a bit before I move in.

The house I rent now is very well finished and the décor is modern. I can’t imagine moving from there to his place as it is. Also, I really feel like if I don’t get him to do the house before I move, it’ll never be done and it’ll just be a bone of contention for our whole married life.

There’s always something happening when I suggest we make a plan around what we want to do – busy farming, working, etc

He’s not said straight out he doesn’t want renovate, but he’s completely dragging his heels on it and has proposed doing it after the wedding. There’s always something happening when I suggest we make a plan around what we want to do – busy farming, working, etc.

I just wish he’d see the things that are important to me

The way I see it, he’s always going to be this busy, so he needs to start making time to do these things. Money isn’t an issue, I’m willing to pay in whatever is needed – it’ll be all the one soon anyway – and he’s not mean. I feel it’s more of a time issue, and I just wish he’d see the things that are important to me.

Miriam, is this a bad way to be thinking starting off married life?

Midlands Bride

Dear Midlands Bride,

Home renovations, two simple words that cause strife to cohabiting couples the world over. In feeling this way you are most definitely not alone, many reading this will have had a similar experience to you.

With regards to the work to be done on the house, could you compromise? How extensive are the renovations we are talking about? Firstly, you two should have a conversation and decide that. Is it building an extension and knocking walls or painting and redecorating?

Rome wasn’t built in a day, I think you shouldn’t push to get everything done this year

If there is a lot of structural work to be done, maybe it could be put off until after the wedding, after all it is going to be a busy time. And instead focus on doing the place up a bit so it is to both your liking. If it is just redecorating that is required, then you should definitely get some of the more important rooms done.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, I think you shouldn’t push to get everything done this year, but making a start will make you feel better about the situation.

If you have discussed the issue and made a plan of attack, I don’t see why you shouldn’t move in, if that is what you want to do

Do decide on a long-term plan though, both of you, and divide it up into manageable stages. That way you know what needs to be done and it won’t feel like things are being put on the long finger. If you have discussed the issue and made a plan of attack, I don’t see why you shouldn’t move in, if that is what you want to do.

Keep the lines of communication open

If there is an underlying issue that you believe your fiancé is not making time for you and your concern in this regard is not simply in relation to the house, don’t despair but communicating this is important.

Keep the lines of communication open and let him know how you are feeling, and there need not be an argument. Just explain that he needs to make more time for you and make sure you do plenty together.

I wish you all the best in married life,

Miriam