Dear Miriam,

My mother passed away earlier this year after a short illness. She had lived a long and full life to that point, but in her later years, I did move back home with her, for peace of mind more than anything. I was happy to do this and it made sense, as I am the only one in the family who never married.

I still kept up work, but I suppose a lot of my hobbies like hillwalking went to the wayside as I did not like to leave my mother at home for too long on her own. Since she passed away though, I am finding it hard to “get going” again. I miss my mother, even though I know I was lucky to have had her for so long. All my siblings have families of their own and while I know they miss her too, it’s like life has gone back to normal for them. But I just feel a bit stuck.

I know I have to move forward in my life, but I’m just not sure how to start. What advice would you have?

Mary, Leinster

Dear Mary,

First of all, I would like to extend my sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. I know you mention how lucky she was to have a long and full life, and indeed that is something to be very grateful for, but I’m sure that it does not make your loss any less profound. Sometimes I think that when we have somebody for a long time, we almost expect that they will go on forever.

I think it’s important to acknowledge this huge change in your life and I wonder how you might feel about getting a little support in this regard? I’m not sure where you live, but there is a community, parish-based service in many counties in Ireland called Bethany (www.bethany.ie), which aims to support bereaved adults through the grieving process. Alternatively, you could ask your GP if they would know of a good counsellor/therapist who is experienced in bereavement counselling? Just having the space to talk can be so healing and can also help with “self-care” at this time.

I would also encourage you to try to take little steps back towards the things that bring you joy. For example, while the thought of returning to the hill-walking group might seem a bit daunting now, would you have one or two good friends from there who you could meet for a shorter walk and a coffee, and slowly build back up to it that way? Now might also be a time to start creating new rituals with your own siblings and their families; for example, even trying to get together for Sunday lunch or tea every few weeks?

Ultimately, I think it’s important to remember that while you have lost your wonderful mother, you are not alone and you are loved. Connect with those people who care about you and will share the journey with you. I wish you the very best.

A reader writes

Dear Miriam,

Just a few thoughts about the father’s dilemma (“I want to get our baby baptised, but my wife does not agree”, published 18 May edition.) Congratulations to the new parents, every joy and good health going forward.

Perhaps if the new mum had a chat with the baptismal team in her parish (most parishes have a team now), and they could gently explain to her about this beautiful “sacrament of faith”. She wouldn’t be forced into anything; in fact the church does not want anyone to become a member through coercion.

Baptism is the beginning of a lasting communion with God, it is also a covenant with him. Through baptism, God tells us: “I have called you by name, you are mine.” If only this lady could imagine God calling her adored little one by the name they choose for him/her in baptism, then her joy would be complete.

As to the sacrament being old-fashioned, Jesus himself was baptised over two thousand years ago, and it is still considered hugely important, to this very day.

Every good wish to the couple, I hope they will come to an amicable agreement.

Co Cork reader