Dear Miriam,

Back in 2008, when I was making up my mind about a college course, I was going doing the Green Cert and moving onto the course of agricultural mechanisation.

A decade is a long time in farming life. My father recently passed, leaving no intentions of who should inherit the farm that belongs to my mother. So there’s an ongoing row of who gets what – my mother is still alive and still very much aware of what’s going on around her.

My father recently passed, leaving no intentions of who should inherit the farm that belongs to my mother

Recently I found out that my brother is starting the Green Cert, as I accidentally found an open letter offering him a place on the course of the local Teagasc centre. I’m now confused about what’s going on.

Should I just pack my bags and move out of my mother’s farm? I see I won’t be getting anything from her, as it has been argument after argument since my father passed. What do I do? I’m sick and tired of arguing over land. All I want is €10,000 from my father’s estate.

Yours sincerely,

Anon

Dear sir/madam

Thank you for your letter and my sincere condolences on the recent loss of your father, which I’m sure has had a big impact on you and your family and of course, the farm. Conversations around the future of a family farm are not always easy, so I have been in touch with Clare O’Keeffe of Succession Ireland, which offers services such as family farm succession planning and expert guidance when it comes to starting difficult conversations. This is Clare’s advice:

There is a lot of emotional energy in your letter and as your father passed away recently, the impact of his death affects all the family; though perhaps mostly your mother. The farm now belongs to your mother.

What her short- and long-term intentions- are in relation to the farm, both in ownership and management, and her future financial and security needs are topics for consideration and worthy of a family conversation. Your mother has lost her husband and may be unable to think long-term nor plan ahead at the moment.

Assumptions without full facts and hopes without plans lead to disappointment

She may need support and time to adapt and adjust to life without your late father. What are your mother’s needs and who is there to support her?

You outlined from a letter accidentally found open that your younger brother has been offered a place in an upcoming Green Cert course. You say in your letter that in 2008, “you were going doing the Green Cert and moving onto the course of agricultural mechanisation”.

It is not entirely clear from the letter if you followed this path at the time, but either way, could your brother’s studies be a shared topic of interest as opposed to a threat? Most difficulties can be overcome if there is a willingness to respect each other and discuss options. Assumptions without full facts and hopes without plans lead to disappointment. If nothing changes, the arguments will probably continue.

You ask, “Should you pack your bags and move out of your mother’s farm” as you see you “won’t be getting anything” from your mother. Turning the question around, how do you show appreciation for your mother who is alive and well, following a lifetime of rearing a family?

The ownership belongs to your mother and if family harmony and peace hold a value, it’s worth taking a look at the bigger picture

Again, you say a decade is a long time in farming life. There are some questions and perhaps answers for consideration in a family discussion going forward. Have you worked on the home farm for the past 10 years? Did you complete the course in agricultural mechanisation? Were you helping your parents in lieu of board and lodgings? Did you have off-farm employment and did you contribute financially to the farm? Were you paid for your labour on the farm or what, if any, was the arrangement and understanding for the future?

Your letter raises many unanswered questions, which makes a specific reply difficult without full facts and background knowledge of the family and farm business. If there are assumptions, can they be identified and addressed, bringing clarity for all concerned? Are there other family members in addition to your brother to be considered, consulted and included in any discussion? The ownership belongs to your mother and if family harmony and peace hold a value, it’s worth taking a look at the bigger picture.

Start the conversation. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely worth the peace.

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