Dear Miriam,

I come from a small farm, which I have worked on for my parents since my early teens. It is not run very intensively, but it turns a small income and a good area payment.

My father passed away some years ago intestate and the farm went directly to our mother. I still farmed it for her, but was told by my father it would be mine someday.

Some of my siblings got sites to build, while the others married and bought or built elsewhere. I too have moved away, but return most weekends to work the land with my mother.

Now a niece is looking for a site, which I’m not happy about. Even though I am away, I would like to think I will move back home. Although it is a small farm, I enjoy working it. I tried talking to my mother about it, but she won’t give an answer and probably feels obliged to give the site.

Can I object to this or do I have any rights or comeback to what my father said? I know my niece was not happy when I told her I didn’t want to see any more sites taken away. I know they don’t understand the love I have for it and where they see sites, I see it as farm land.

Regular Reader

Dear Regular Reader,

Thank you for your letter. Due to the nature of your query, I have been in touch with Clare O’Keeffe of Succession Ireland, who has a wealth of experience in farm family succession planning and mediation. You can find out more about the services offered by Succession Ireland on www.successionireland.ie or by calling 022-27915. Clare writes:

“Your letter, though personal to your specific situation, may resonate with other readers. From what you have shared, your mother is the sole owner of the farm since your father died. The land is owned by your mother and is her property. It is hers to decide what she wishes to do with it, both in the short and long-term.

You mentioned that a niece would like a site from your mother and some of your siblings got sites on which they have built their homes.

The request of a site from your niece and your interest in the farm may not be easy for your mother to reconcile and indeed it may be difficult for your mother as she wants to keep everyone happy.

“You mentioned that you tried talking to your mother about it. Does this relate specifically to your niece, a possible site, or the future ownership of the family farm? From our experience in Succession Ireland, this conversation begins with the asset owners and this is your mother.

This starts with discussing her current and future needs, which can include (though are not limited to) financial, social, medical, physical etc, ie where will she live as she gets older, can she live independently alone, is there family support?

Should nursing home care be required, who pays the bill? As each person has different needs and expectations, this is a family conversation for your siblings with your mother. This progression of life is a process and not just a one-off conversation. This needs to begin with your mother if she is willing and able to engage in planning her future.

“The farm currently gives your mother an income, which gives her some security and independence. As the owner she has options: she can transfer her assets during her lifetime, give a site, sell it, write a will stating her intentions and if there is no will and she dies intestate, her assets will transfer between you and your siblings.

Most weekends you return to work the land with your mother, which is not intensively farmed and you identify your attachment to the farm land. It is the farm where you spent your childhood.

Wondering and waiting in hope for so many years, maybe it’s time to start and open the discussion in a safe, confidential and respectful environment and bring clarification for all concerned with the services of an independent and impartial professional mediator, if helpful.

“It is worth noting that one has more options the sooner one starts planning. Time is the limiting factor for everyone. It’s important to appreciate and acknowledge what you have with gratitude.

Begin the conversation in a safe environment with your mother and siblings. Your concerns and hopes may be similar to others in your family and clarification for the future may be the best outcome.” CL