I don’t think I was a technophobe when I was in the pram. Certainly by the age of reason and primary school, I was handy with the abacus, which was the height of technology back then. Abacuses aren’t used much today, but Apple might pull one out in a power-cut or, for that matter, to calculate its Irish tax bill. Secondary school was no problem as there were no computers but I was knacky enough with a Commodore calculator.

As a young farmer, I was at the cutting edge of technology. I had a Farmeasy Fieldmeter by the age of 21. It was an electronic speed/area meter which I used for spraying with the 1,500l Allman on the Fiat 780.

Abacuses aren’t used much today, but Apple might pull one out in a power-cut or, for that matter, to calculate its Irish tax bill

I progressed, ahead of the posse, to an RDS full-on spraying computer by 1990. And by the mid-90s I had my first Bogballe spreader with on-board weighing and I loved it. Still do, in fact, with Bogballe number three.

Alas, by the late 1990s, I had peaked too young and reached the summit of my technological ability.

My father was doing the farm accounts on the big auld IBM for 10 years previously, but I couldn’t hack it and let him at it. But I made a last, glorious and even brave attempt at technology by buying a crop records computer package – the full Monty. I’d show him.

Disaster

It made so little impression on me, I can’t even remember what it was called. It was a complete disaster and I quickly retreated to the tattered notebook. So that’s where I remain to this day.

Max deciphers my scribbled notes and uploads them (I think that’s the right word) on to Gatekeeper.

Enter the TAMS and two years ago we were buying a new tractor. “A great opportunity to have it fitted with auto steer,” says Max. “Auto what?” says I.

Anyhow, auto steer was fitted, courtesy of a TAMS grant. I managed to ignore it until this autumn when Max threatened I’d have to start using it or TAMS would come and take it away. I wish.

Auto steer aside, the scheme helps make dreams come true, especially if you are a young farmer

I don’t trust it. If I have to sit in a tractor, I’ll steer it. I’m able to drive straight. But I could see one good reason to use it – in the dry spell it was difficult to see the marker scratch with the sun in your eyes.

Ken from Atkins arrived out to show me how to work it but it still hasn’t clicked with me. TAMS, please come and take it away and give me my money back.

But, seriously, TAMS is a terrific scheme and helpfully administered by the Department of Agriculture.

Auto steer aside, the scheme helps make dreams come true, especially if you are a young farmer. But even a 40% grant for an old buck like me is fine.

Let me tell you about my two latest TAMS-aided acquisitions.

Simple machines

Both are simple machines with (nearly) no high-tech wizardry. You can’t get a simpler machine than a roller.

To reduce wheelings, I prefer the ring roller width to be half the tramline width. Hence we had a 6m Grays roller when we were on 12m tramlines and a 10m Vaderstad while on 20m tramlines. I moved to 24m tramlines 15 years ago but I couldn’t afford or justify a mega-bucks 12m roller.

To reduce wheelings, I prefer the ring roller width to be half the tramline width

TAMS has made a new, heavy 12.3m Dalbo Cambridge roller possible.

Our other TAMS-aided purchase is almost as simple. I had a Grass Technology dribble bar retrofitted to our Major tank.

However, I was temporarily stunned when it came back with an electronic control box. I’d say I could handle it but anyhow, I’m not too worried. Man Friday, Jason, does that job. With auto steer.