Dear Miriam,

Having read the letter from Sarah, Munster (“Friends have forgotten about my loss”, 26 November edition) in Irish Country Living, I just feel I would like to write to you.

I totally understand what Sarah in Munster is going through, as I am in the same situation of sorrow and alone. My mum, who lived with me, passed away last January. I am single and alone now. I guess the winter months make things worse. People may say you need to get on with your life, but I think many of us find that very hard.

I hope that new year might bring a sense of future and company to those of us who are feeling this way.

Many thanks.

Richard, early 60s

Miriam responds

Dear Richard,

Thank you for taking the time and trouble to write. I think for anybody who may be struggling with a loss, it is a comfort to know they are not alone; even if it is such a lonely place to be. People may urge us to “get on” with life and that might seem to suggest we should just “get over” our loss and our loved one. But I think it is possible to start taking gentle steps forward to care for yourself, while carrying your loved one’s memory with you.

Have you somebody in your life – a close relation or friend – you could talk to about how you are feeling? Or would you be open to doing a bit of grief counselling to help to navigate these natural feelings and start to make a road map for your own future?

January is a challenging month with the cheer of Christmas gone; but it can also mark a fresh start. Would you consider looking at joining a night class or men’s shed? Or giving some time to volunteer with a local charity, where you will meet new people and share that caring side you obviously possess?

I hope 2023 will be a kinder year for you and for anybody else who may have had a challenging 2022. I truly wish you the best.

Reader Writes

Dear Miriam,

As soon as I saw the headline “Frozen Out” from Alto, Leinster (“I’ve been frozen out by the choir clique”, 19 November edition), I knew exactly how the text would read!

Having been away from singing for a number of years, I ventured up to the gallery again and was met with a huge welcome from some. When it came to “location, location, location,” though, I was told firmly not to sit in such a place as it belonged to such a person! Well, Holy God! as Miley used to say. I sang that day and for the following week, but decided, this time around, it was not for me.

Maybe it’s because I’m a Dub living in a country village. I don’t know. Surely, it’s about the singing, not your background?

You might expect silly behaviour in playschool, not in an adult choir. My sympathy goes to Alto, Leinster. I hope she just tries to enjoy one Christmas of singing. For me, the music is the best part of Christmas. I hope she finds another choir, which might be less of a clique. It’s unfortunate. I’m not in a choir now, and I miss the “group singing”. It’s not the same, going about the house singing to yourself!

Bonne chance to your other reader.

Reader Writes

Hi Miriam,

I think new mum (“I want to spend Christmas with my own family”, 3 December edition) should spend Christmas day at home with her new baby and husband, and both go to her parents on Christmas Eve and his parents on Stephen’s Day or the other way around. I think it’s very important for the baby to have his first Christmas at home with Mam and Dad.

Santy may not know where he is!

Miriam says: We hope a diplomatic solution was found for this conundrum! But rest assured, Santy finds us all, wherever we are! Thank you for getting in touch.

Read more

Friends have forgotten my loss

Frozen out by clique in choir