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Dear Miriam,
I wonder if you could advise me please. I am recently married to a farmer and we are renovating what was once his grandmother’s home, slowly but surely. His parents are still alive and live in a house up the lane and he has two sisters married locally too.
The issue is this. One of my sisters-in-law is married to a “Jack of all trades” for want of a better description. So when we were doing up the downstairs bathroom, my husband got him in to do the tiling. However, I found his whole approach so unprofessional; for example, he would not turn up when he was supposed to, meaning the whole thing got dragged out much longer than it should have been. I wasn’t very happy with the end result either to be honest as it was a bit slap-dash, though I was so relieved for it to be finished that I bit my tongue.
We are now moving onto renovating the kitchen and there seems to be an assumption in the family that he will do the tiling and the painting
However, even though his work and approach left a lot to be desired, he was well able to charge for his services!
We are now moving onto renovating the kitchen and there seems to be an assumption in the family that he will do the tiling and the painting. I’m already on edge thinking about it, Miriam. Whatever about the inconvenience of the downstairs bathroom being out of service (we still had use of the upstairs bathroom), I can’t even imagine what it will be like if the kitchen drags on and on. On top of that, tiles and paint don’t come cheap and if we are going to the expense of investing in good materials, it seems a waste to have the work done by an amateur.
I have a cousin who is in the trade professionally and has done great work in my parents’ house, and I would love to get him in to do the job, but I fear this will put my sister-in-law’s nose out of joint; and not go down well with the rest of them either. My husband doesn’t really care either way, but I really want to create a home that I enjoy spending time in, not resent!
Do you think that I have a point here and if so, what might be the best way to handle this?
Farmer’s wife, Leinster
Dear Farmer’s wife,
You have my sympathies! I find home renovations stressful at the best of times – especially when it comes to tasks like tiling and painting – and a professional who turns up on time and delivers a good job is certainly worth his/her weight in gold.
I can understand your worries about putting your in-laws’ noses out of joint, but at the same time, your brother-in-law did not seem overly concerned when it came to keeping you waiting (though for peace’s sake, it may be better not to mention that particular point publicly!)
Look, at the end of the day, this is your home and you and your husband are more than entitled to decide who does the work there. Your brother-in-law does not have a divine right to the business by virtue of his marriage.
If your husband is happy to go with your cousin, just make the booking and let him get on with the work
I understand that it is a tricky situation, but you do have an advantage given the fact that this other man is a relation, because you can “sell it” as giving others in the family an equal shot of the work.
That said, I would not make a big deal of it or “seek permission” from the in-laws. If your husband is happy to go with your cousin, just make the booking and let him get on with the work. If there is any query or comment from the in-laws, simply say that you wanted to give another relation a turn and share out the work between both families.
They can hardly object to that; and if they are the kind that will, well, it’s better that you set boundaries from the start when it comes to your own home.
If any readers have advice on how they handled a similar situation, however, I would be delighted to share it too so please get in touch.
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