I would never see perfectionism as a good thing for a person,” says Dr Catherine Long, a counselling psychologist based in Dublin.

“It might potentially be a good thing for the company they’re working for because it will drive the employee to work really hard, but it isn’t a good thing for the individual. It is always a source of stress and in the long term can lead to anxiety and depression because the person is putting pressure on and directing anger at themselves. There is a very different flavour to someone saying ‘I need to do this perfectly’ and ‘I want to do this really well, to the best of my ability’.”

AT HOME

Dr Long finds that perfectionism causing problems at home can lead to people seeking help to deal with this character trait.

“Home would be a classic example of where it comes to a head,” she says. “The family, spouse or partner may say: ‘I can’t cope with this anymore’ and that drives the person to get help. However, it can be a long process to change perfectionist tendencies and the person needs to be very motivated to do it. The fact that they may get a lot of positive reinforcement for their perfectionist tendencies at work encourages the perfectionism and makes it harder to stop.”

IMPOSING STANDARDS

People may often be perfectionists in one area of their life and not in another.

“For example, some could have very high standards at work, but live in a messy house and not be bothered by that. Others may be perfectionists about cleaning at home. They can impose their standards on other people around them too, which can lead to conflict. They may get angry when others clean the house in a way that’s not up to their standard, for example, and the family member could get anything from a full-blown verbal attack on how they didn’t do it right, to a more subtle re-doing of the task that makes them feel uncomfortable.

“Perfectionists may react with different degrees of anger or upset when they don’t achieve their high standards, but in the longer term this anger at themselves can lead to anxiety and depression, so it can be very damaging,” Dr Long adds.

APPROACH & AVOIDANCE

There are two types of perfectionist, she states – approach perfectionists and avoidance perfectionists.

“The approach perfectionist will work really hard to make what they’re doing perfect. Whereas the avoidant perfectionist will avoid doing whatever they are a perfectionist about because they fear they will not be able to do it well enough.

“A classic example would be college students. An approach perfectionist would start a project three months before it’s due, read hugely for it and re-write and re-write the essay over and over to make it perfect.

“The avoidant perfectionist would start it 24 hours before it was due and possibly end up not doing it at all. These are two different approaches, but all are driven by the same mechanism, ie feeling that what they do needs to be perfect.”

But what are the causes of perfectionism?

“It depends on the person. Growing up in an environment where mistakes have serious consequences could be a contributory factor,” she says.

“Trauma can also be a trigger for it, say being humiliated because you made a mistake at school. You develop perfectionist tendencies to try prevent this happening again.”

DR LONG’s TIPS

1 Know what kind of perfectionist you are – knowing this determines how you respond. With approach perfectionists I suggest exercises to help people find a way of pulling back a bit on their standards. People who are perfectionists will find that incredibly hard to do, but that’s what the problem is. They can ask: ‘Is leaving a few typos really going to lead to disaster?’ Over time, this kind of exercise helps to ease anxiety about mistakes. Avoidant perfectionists can work on setting small, manageable goals, eg breaking a task into small parts, making a start and leaving worries about quality aside for now.

2 Challenge your thinking around why you want to do everything perfectly – counselling around perfectionism involves a process whereby people are asked to challenge their thinking and the idea that there is a perfect way to do things. It’s about asking yourself: ‘Why am I trying to do this so well?’ And working, over time to let go of that urge.”

Dr Catherine Long’s website is www.onehourforme.ie