Dear Miriam,

I would like to ask a question. Where does a nice guy go nowadays to meet a nice lady? The reason I ask is that I have failed in every avenue I’ve taken to find a down-to-earth, decent lady to share my life with.

I have dated all types. I’ve been beaten, cheated on, lied to, humiliated and stolen from by various women down through the years. I’ve been on dates with women who have described themselves as divas, princesses, snobs, fashionistas, wine aficionados, rugby snobs etc. The last date I was on, the woman asked to see my nails and hands to see if they were clean, her reason being that as I’m a farmer, my hands must be dirty.

I’m in my mid 40s now. I always envisioned that I would be married with a family by now. Instead, I have nothing due to the women I’ve met.

The women I’m dating are in their late 30s and early 40s but they behave like teenagers – their lives seem to be dictated by leisure, pleasure, entertainment and chasing the latest fads. One woman I went on a date with asked me if I would update my car to suit her imaginary status. Another asked me if I would take up drinking to fit in with her lifestyle (I’m a pioneer). My last girlfriend broke up with me because I couldn’t drop everything at a moment’s notice and head off travelling the world. My dairy herd was a huge obstacle to her. I would like to hear what you think of all this and maybe hear a suggestion.

Single Farmer

Dear Single Farmer,

Thank you for your letter. I am very sorry to hear that you have had some difficult experiences in the past with relationships, including physical and emotional abuse and infidelity. I don’t think that we hear about these things from a man’s perspective often enough, and it’s important to acknowledge that they do happen to both sexes and can leave deep scars.

With regards the more recent dating experiences, I can understand how you feel disappointed and disheartened, and some of your anecdotes regarding the car or the drinking are eyebrow-raising indeed.

On a more positive note, however, you seem to be very proactive when it comes to asking women out on dates and have had the confidence to try various avenues in this regard.

You are obviously serious about finding somebody special to settle down with and would like to find a person you can really connect with. I’m sure very many women reading this are looking for the exact same things in a partner.

I suppose the one thing that strikes me reading your letter – in terms of the recent dates at least – is that it appears you had very little in common with these women, from lifestyle and hobbies to goals. I’m afraid I have no magic solution in terms of how to find “the one”, but I think it is important to have at least some shared interests from the start.

I’m not sure what types of dating you have tried but maybe a more focused approach might be a good idea; for example, using a dating agency where you are matched based on common interests, or trying something like dinner dating with Irish company www.atableforsix.ie, which organises monthly farmer-specific events –“A Farmer Wants A Wife” – nationwide. A sister company called www.matchsticks.ie also offers one-to-one matching and date coaching with people from all walks of life, including agriculture. Remember, there is also the “Getting In Touch” column in Irish Country Living as well.

However, I am a great believer in also getting involved in clubs or activities that are not dating-focused, but will widen your circle. For instance, if you enjoy sport, joining the local triathlon or hill-walking club. You might not meet the love of your life straight away, but doing something you enjoy with a set of diverse but like-minded people will naturally lead to friendships, more opportunities to get out and about, and, perhaps in time, relationships.

If any reader would like to write in with their advice or tips, I would be more than happy to share them here. In the meantime, I would ask you not to give up hope and to keep an open heart. CL

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