Before Christmas, we published a letter from a regular reader who wrote that she was “very much lacking in confidence” and despite going for counselling, was struggling with her self-esteem. “I am a stay-at-home mum and I feel I have no friends, but I just want confidence,” she wrote.

“I would love to get involved in stuff, like even taking up money in the church, but why do I shake if I am asked to? I could not do it. I know my neighbour throws dirty looks at me and talks about me and I just start shaking. What’s the problem – if I could just stop that, Miriam, I would be so happy, really happy.”

Since then, a number of readers have been in touch to share their own struggles and advice about what has worked for them. I hope that the original letter writer and anybody reading this finds their words of wisdom helpful and I would like to thank everybody who got in touch.

‘Joining ICA helped me to build my confidence’

Dear Miriam,

I read the letter from this mum with no confidence. I, too, could have written this letter 30 years ago. I say to her that she has made the first move to regaining her confidence by writing to you and asking for help and that is a big step.

I joined my local ICA Guild, where I found a welcome, friendship and loyalty. I, too, thought everyone else was watching and talking about me and my family. Within ICA, I gained the confidence to take on bigger challenges, like helping out at events and taking part in competitions.

I was lucky enough to gain a place on an EU-funded training course with 24 other like-minded women in 1996. This proved to be life changing for me and others on the course. Since then, I have completed many different courses, the last one being an outreach course from NUI Maynooth, where I gained certification in disability studies. I have also gained temporary employment with Public Jobs.

I also don’t drive due to impairments from a serious illness in the past and I live 10km from the nearest large town. I don’t allow either to prevent my involvement in work or community. Change begins with small steps. People are too busy worrying about their own problems to be concerned about yours. A positive mental attitude can help overcome any challenges encountered. So, good luck to that lady. I hope she finds inspiration from my experience and avails of opportunities presented.

“Yoga and counselling helped me to find my space and freedom’

Dear Miriam,

I feel deeply for your very loyal reader. I was married to an alcoholic who was emotionally abusive. I lost all my self-confidence.

Even to do my grocery shopping, I would run in 10 or 15 minutes before the shop would close so as not to meet anyone as it was my belief that people were talking about me and never wanted to be in my company. But these thoughts were thoughts I had put in my head from being isolated.

I did find and have found counselling does work, but you have to find a counsellor who suits you. It is like buying shoes.

One thing I did find that helped as well as counselling was yoga. Yoga gives you the space and freedom to explore your body and mind and have your space for the length of your practice. Yoga gives you something that I just cannot explain, but all I know is that it is your time, your practice and your space.

I hope this helps your very loyal reader.

‘I found mindfulness comforting and confidence building’

Dear Miriam,

For the lady who is so distraught in this week’s letter to you, I did an online course with Padraig O’Moráin this year on mindfulness and it is an immensely comforting and a confidence-building course (https://www.padraigomorain.com/)

It may help her and I wish her very well. CL

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I have no confidence in myself

Your advice has helped me to live a much happier life