I had a narrow escape last week. That clown Stefan sent me a bunch of flowers and a note looking for an answer to his proposal of marriage. If that wasn’t bad enough, who was in the house with me when the armful of blooms arrived? Only the members of our recently formed women’s group. I told them take no notice of it.

“That man has what one would call a severe case of bullock’s notions,” I said.

I think I got away with it, but I won’t be able to kick Stefan to touch for much longer. Anyway, our women’s group is going from strength to strength.

When you take away the scarf, the booties and the rosary beads, let me tell you, these are formidable women. We meet once a week, on Mondays, and for the moment I’m the hostess.

We sit around my kitchen table and, as they say, we follow the first hare that rises.

Lily Mac opened proceedings this week.

“Well girls,” says she. “We all have about another two decades left on the planet. If the last two pass as fast as the first six or seven, we won’t miss it till we’re at the pearly gates. So what would you like to do before you face St Peter or the silence of the beyond?”

That softened our cough.

“Hmm,” says Nell Regan, “now there’s a question to straighten your back in the chair.”

“One thing I’d love to do,” proclaimed Madge McInerney, “is get a tattoo.”

“Where?” I asked.

“Most of the young ones seem to get them on the small of their backs, just above their bottoms,” says Lily Mac.

“Well I’ve no notion of getting it done there,” says Madge. “No one except for the doctor will ever see it. Besides, the way my backside is going the tattoo would be runnin’ down my thighs before I know it.”

“Then where would you like to get it done?” May Quirke asked. “And what kind of figure would you want on it?”

“I’d like to have it on my neck in the form of a snake, with the top of his snout appearing just behind my left ear,” says she.

“Why the snake, Madge?” I asked.

“In memory of poor auld Eve, who was blamed for everything,” says she. “I want to remind men that the auld serpent is still whispering to us and some day we’ll all eat the forbidden fruit.”

Fair dues. She stunned us all.

“Madge,” says I, “the day you’re getting the tattoo done we’ll go with you and make a day of it,” to which there was unanimous agreement.

“Now,” I continued, “has anyone else got something they want to do before they head for the departure lounge?”

We sat in silence for a few minutes, until eventually Nell Regan cleared her throat.

“Ahem,” says Nell Regan, “do you know what I’d love to do?”

We all turned to her in expectation, but she bit her lip, looked at the table and went quiet.

“Come on Nell, out with it,” says Lily Mac.

“Oh, I don’t know should I say this?” says she.

“You’re among friends Nell,” I said, “but don’t feel under pressure.”

“I hope ye won’t think I’m mad,” she said.

“Erra, aren’t we all half mad to be here in the first place,” says Kitty Kavanagh.

“Do you know what I’d love to do before I die?” said Nell very slowly and deliberately.

“The suspense will cause me to burst,” says Lily Mac. “Come on.”

“I’d ... I’d ... I’d love to say mass,” says she.

“Oh for goodness sake, is that all?” says I. “I thought you were going to say you wanted to do a spot of pole dancing or something. Sure we can get the equipment from the church and you can say mass here.”

“But will it be valid?” Madge McInerney asked.

“’Twill be valid for us,” says I, “and we’ll leave the rest to God.”

“But I want to say mass in a church,” says Nell.

“With a full congregation?” asked Lily Mac.

“No, with just a few of us, but it has to be in a church,” says Nell.

“That’s another job on our list,” says I. “It can be arranged. So ladies, we have two tasks in hand and two dreams to fulfil: Madge’s tattoo and Nell’s mass.”

“Before we finish,” says Kitty Kavanagh. “Could I ask about the pole dancing?”

“Oh for goodness sake, we have enough on our plate at the moment Kitty,” says I, “and I’m not sure how we could go about arrangin’ that sort of thing.”

“I don’t want you to arrange anything,” says Kitty. “I just want to know what pole dancing is.”

“Eh ... well ... we’ll ... we’ll talk about it next week,” says I.

This women’s group is shaping up to be some adventure.