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Dear Miriam,
I’m sure I am not the only person in this situation, but I would appreciate your advice all the same.
My husband and I have just one daughter, who lives in the UK with her husband and their two children. Every year, they come home for Christmas and you can imagine how much we look forward to the visit, when they are across the water for most of the year.
When we first heard about COVID-19 back in spring, we thought that it would be “over” by now and we could have the same Christmas we always have. We held on to that hope for so long, but now, it’s almost certain that they won’t be travelling, as my husband has underlying conditions, and my daughter does not want to put us at risk. That’s before you add in the hassle with quarantine, flying with small children, etc.
I have always loved Christmas and go to a big effort
I understand that this is the safest option for us all, but at the same time, it is so upsetting. I was really holding on to the hope that we could have Christmas this year. I have always loved Christmas and go to a big effort – especially since the grandchildren came along – but it seems like there will be nothing to look forward to.
It hardly even seems to be worthwhile putting up a tree
I know I’m luckier than most. I have my husband, so I’m not living alone, and thank God we have been able to stay safe and well. But I am finding it hard now to find any Christmas spirit or even think about how we are going to spend the day. It hardly even seems to be worthwhile putting up a tree or making the usual dinner.
Maybe you think I am being a bit over the top, but I suppose I can’t help how I feel.
Mary, Munster
Dear Mary,
Thank you for your letter. I think you are voicing how a lot of people feel. We tend to associate Christmas with spending time with family and much-loved traditions, and while we still don’t know what restrictions will be in place on 25 December, I think most of us accept that this Christmas will be different.
I think the question then really is how to make the best of things in these unique circumstances.
It’s only right to acknowledge how disappointing it is that your daughter and her family will not be able to travel this year, even if you all agree that it is for the best. Hopefully, this will be the first and last Christmas you will find yourselves in this situation. I think the question then really is how to make the best of things in these unique circumstances.
Technology
Technology is no match for human touch. However, it can and will play a role in many homes this festive season. So, for example, on Christmas Day, could you use Zoom or WhatsApp video to watch the grandchildren open their gifts from Santa, or to “eat” together? I know it’s not the same as being around the table in real life, but it is certainly one way to connect.
I understand that you might not be in the mood for putting up the tree or going all out in the kitchen. I think, though, that a bare house or an empty fridge might only add to the feelings of disappointment on the day. Even if it’s just a case of putting up some twinkly fairy lights, the crib or a nice wreath, I think it’s comforting to have some decorations up.
Consider making new traditions as well
Regarding dinner, you don’t need to go to a huge effort, but I would still make sure to treat yourself; for instance, ordering in a decadent dessert or some nice cheeses from a local deli, or even see if any food business is doing Christmas dinners for delivery? Consider making new traditions as well; for instance, would yourself and your husband go for a nice, long walk on Christmas Day or watch a favourite film together?
Again, I know that nothing will replace the Christmas that you know and love. But it is important to remember that it is just one day, and it will come and go as it always does. Be gentle on yourself, do things that will bring you a bit of comfort and joy and look forward to the Christmases to come when you will all be together again.
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